Christmas 2010

Though the house is still decorated and there are still empty packages strewn about the living room, Christmas is moving on. With my family in Nashville this year, things were a bit different than they've always been, but we held tight to some traditions. We all had a total blast, as far as I could tell. Don't tell me if you didn't have fun, family; I don't want to know.

First on the traditions list was Chuck E. Cheese. Growing up, we used to spend a day playing arcade games and eating pizza right around Christmas. This is one tradition Dave is more than happy to have married in to. I hope it's not creepy for seven adults to go to Chuck E. Cheese for the day, because if skee-ball is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Another tradition we hold tight to is Christmas Eve gifts. The siblings open the gifts from each other, and our parents open our gifts to them. Dave's family was in Texas this year, celebrating with his sister and her family, but we opened our gifts from them on Christmas Eve also - it's the Hagen tradition. We did NOT make oyster stew on Christmas Eve, which is another Hagen tradition. I just couldn't do it. (Special appearance by the giant bean bag I'm always talking about! See how spread out my parents are? They're both sitting on it. It's that awesome.)

IF you have not seen "Marcel the Shell" PLEASE do yourself a favor and watch it here. It's a strange and quirky little video of a talking shell. Watch it twice in a row; you'll like it more the second time. This picture is me introducing the video to my sisters. They're fans. You're welcome.

The Nashville buzz all around Christmas was the fact that we were supposed to have snow. There hasn't been a white Christmas in Nashville in almost 20 years. Herzogs must be good luck. Because we woke up to this.

And do you know what else we woke up to? Serious loot. I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, but holy smokes, I hit the jackpot this year! Some of my favorites were a nut grinder, a burlap and braided leather bag from my mama, and this KitchenAid mixer from Dave. Of course we had to put the nut grinder and mixer to use right away and make a fresh batch of homemade cookies.

I'm already looking forward to Christmas next year.

BooHiss

I finally called my doctor's office to get the results from the insulin test I had a couple weeks ago, and I was not pleased with the results. More specifically, I was frustrated, disappointed, and shocked. And then I cried kind of a lot, and then I was angry.

Despite my current diet and the fact that I've been taking medicine every day for three months, my insulin levels actually went up. Not cool, body. Not cool. I felt like I had been doing a great job; I was proud of the work I had accomplished. I know all that hard work wasn't useless, but for a few hours yesterday, that's what it felt like. Like I had wasted the past few months of eating well and being more active... because if my insulin was going to go up anyway, why couldn't I have eaten more Doritos?

So, I'm upping my healthy eating to an 11 and promoting Dave to my exercise enforcer. I should call him The Exercist, not to be confused with the Exorcist, of course. I should paint that on a t-shirt for him! The Exercist is a rough job because I will probably pout and throw things at him and require him to exercise with me each day. But hey, for better or for worse, right?

And if Dave's going to be called The Exercist, I suppose 2011 should be called The Year of I'd-Like-To-Keep-All-My-Limbs-And-Not-Get-Anything-Amputated-Because-I-Got-Diabetes.

Details are Scary

A couple months ago I had a teeny little idea for a non-profit organization. The idea snowballed very quickly and became my newest obsession. I'm still very much interested in this idea of mine. I've had a few people help me out, one or two specifically who have helped me immensely, and I've given out a few little details here and there. I haven't discussed it much because... well... I'm nervous!

I've got the general overview of the organization planned out in my head. I know how it will work, what it's named, what our logo will look like, things we can accomplish, ways we can help the world be a better place. You know, all the really important things. But do you know what doesn't make sense? When I'll have time to accomplish these goals, how many people will be willing to work with me (the organization uses a lot of people working together), how much money it will take to get the first little ball rolling, when to talk about my idea, how to promote it, etcetera infinity.

I know nothing about starting or running a business, for starters. I have little money to invest in the front end, only a handful of people who are working with me (as of now), and ideas galore. How does one make sense of these things? Where does it go from here? Any tips for a lady who's equally passionate and clueless?

The Bean

Today is my sister's birthday! Christina, or bean (as we call her), is 20. TWENTY, you guys!

She's a really cool person.

I've talked a lot about my sisters here, because they're a big part of my world. If you can love someone too much, that is true of the way I feel about this lady.

On Holiday

Well, it's about that time, don't you think?

Time to take a break for Christmas! I'll be back shortly after the holiday festivities are over.

Merry Christmas from the Hagens!

They're Almost Here!

Things are a little batty around here lately because I'm all kinds of excited. This afternoon my family (minus my brother and new sister-in-law) is supposed to be pulling into town around the time I get off work. HIP HIP HOORAY! The 8-9 hours of work that I have to put in today will be a blur of anticipation and jitters and checking my text messages obsessively until I see the one that says, "WE'RE HERE!" And then I will completely flip out and run around in circles for ten minutes.


Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything.

Most of the gifts are bought and wrapped, cookies and other goodies have been made, the house is clean (thanks to a sweet friend), the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, etc. I think we're about ready to get things under way.

If you don't see much of me in the next week, you know why.

Christmas Music: The Flip Side

Yesterday I posted about wonderful Christmas music. Nostalgic and lovely and all the other good stuff that gets put into Christmas music. Today I'd like to address the dark side of Christmas music. Did you know that such a thing existed? Well, it sure does and it warrants some attention.
One I noticed for the first time this year to ease you into things are the lyrics to "You're a Mean One" from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. These lyrics are all kinds of crazy, but that's on purpose, so I'd never really thought about it. But let's DO think about it. The song is full of lyrical gems such as, "You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. With a nauseous super naus," which I just love. Super naus should be my new thing. Like, "whoa. This ham sandwich is super naus territory" or, "holy smokes, Dave. That terrible driving just made me super naus." And even better than super naus, in my opinion, is this line: "You're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss." I said something on twitter yesterday with that line like... I don't even know what that means. And my big brother replied with, "My guess: You're a mean little guy, and your horse is mean, too. That's a mean thing to say about someone's horse." That cracked me right up. Big brother = hilarious.

Secondly, and a little more serious, is the song "Christmas Shoes." This is quite the controversy. Some people love this song. Me? I'm not so into singing about the saddest possible Christmas ever. If you've not heard the song, I will save you the trouble. The lyrics to the chorus are, "Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there's not much time. You see she's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes would make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight."

What in the world?! Doesn't that just punch your Christmas spirit right in the face? Sheesh. I would for sure rather sing about super naus than about a dying mother and her poor pathetic son, who the song describes as "dirty from head to toe." No thanks.

And another song that's bad on purpose (I hope) is "Santa Baby." This song is the materialistic generation's theme song. It's probably parody, but still I don't think we need to be singing about all the ridiculous things we'd like for Christmas since, you know, that's what we're all thinking anyway. Those are the kind of thoughts we leave inside our head and don't put to music. And this isn't necessarily something I want the kids these days to get from a Christmas song: "Think of all the fun I've missed. Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed." Really? Is that how it works?

Lastly, some of you know my feelings toward the song "Baby It's Cold Outside." I think it's a fun song. It's catchy and quirky and it's a male/female duet which is a definite plus in my book. But shall we take a closer look at the lyrics?

First, we've got a protest (in the female's part) where she says she'd like to leave and the male vocalist is trying to make her stay at his house. She says, "Say, what's in this drink?" Friends, I'm not sure if roofies were invented before 1944 when this song was written, but heaven's sake that sounds like date rape drugs to me.

And later in the song the female sings, "I simply must go. The answer is no." Have we not all heard the phrase, "no means no" yet? As far as I can tell, that stands up in a court, and I think Mr. Male Vocal Lead is about to spend some time in jail when the snow clears and they can leave the house again.

Christmas Music

I happen to be married to a music snob. He doesn't prefer that terminology, but that's what he is and I'm here to call a spade a spade. He feels very strongly against most Christmas music. His thought is that no matter how many different things you do to the same songs, they're still the same ol' songs and it's not interesting or unique enough. Somehow his logic doesn't account for his distaste for newly written Christmas songs and/or distaste for the old classics either... but that's his highly trained musical opinion, and as scroogy as it may be, he's entitled to feel that way.

However, we agree 100% about one Christmas album. It's just good. It's excellent, in fact. It's a musician that Dave had the pleasure of working with (on that album actually!) and still has a great deal of respect for. It's the O Holy Night album by Sara Groves. I've talked about her on this blog before. She's a musical genius, in my opinion, but it's still easy to listen to. Her phrasing is amazing, her lyrics are deep and personal, and she's super nice.

Also (!!!) you can hear Dave singing some gang vocals in the background of the album, which is a total bonus!

If you're in a place financially this year to spend a little money on a new Christmas album, Dave and I recommend this one (you can get it here on iTunes for $9.99.) The music snobs in your family may even enjoy it.

This is the title track from the album. O Holy Night. Listen closely to the lyrics of this song. Some of my favorite lyrics of all time, definitely my favorite Christmas song lyrically. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

I Don't Even Know Anymore

It seems that December is the month in which I don't update my blog very much. Thanks for pointing that out, UNCLE LONNIE. Really though, where have I been? Well I've been sick, I've been snowed in, I've been doing a little shopping, I've been trying to catch up at work, I've been working on a handful of custom art projects, I've been planning a new non-profit organization, I've been wasting far too much time watching terrible Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies. I've not been getting groceries, cleaning my house, doing any sort of laundry, wrapping gifts, or blogging. Obviously.

The super good news is that Christmas is almost here and my next 10 days are JAMMED full of festivities and wonder. The bad news is my brain has ceased to work. I start to tell stories and realize halfway through that they've got no purpose. Someone answers the question that I ask them and I say, "what?" Because I've forgotten that I asked a question in the first place.... just 2 seconds prior. I carry things from one room to the other for no apparent reason and have to walk them back to where they came because why on earth am I holding this spatula in the living room? Is there a reason for this? I guess I'll put it back in the kitchen. And then two days later I realize that there's a spider web hanging from the ceiling that I can't reach and I think, "what could I use to reach this web? Maybe something with a long handle that's flat on one side and could also flip over a fried egg..."

It's just a little ridiculous, you know?

So, that's my December in a nutshell. What about you? Do you have crazy Christmas brain yet?

Loose Ends

Like 14 years ago when I got home from Texas, I told you I'd post pictures. But then Dave was in charge of pictures and he didn't upload all of them on to the computer and I don't know how to work a Mac and it didn't happen. So you can send an email to Mr. Hagen if you want to see those pictures, but mostly he's going to tell you that he's busy working all day every day and soooo sorry if he doesn't have time to do whatever we ask whenever we ask because he's fixing my car and trying to record a new album and start and finish two construction projects, etc. Excuses.

Also, I posted a giveaway about 15 years ago for a little watercolor, and then things got "cray cray" as the kids these days say, and I never posted the winner. Who was (drumroll) my very sweet Missouri friend, Erin. First, I should tell you that I love Erin and her whole family. They're super awesome and secondly, I keep trying to convince them to move to my neighborhood here in Tennessee. Do you know what's better than a Missouri friend? A Tennessee friend; that's what. So Erin, go ahead and tell me what picture you want turned into a watercolor, and I'll hang it up down the street in the house for rent. You can see it when you move in.

And also this: please don't misread my post yesterday and think that holidays are all about me sitting weeping somewhere hoping Christmas is over. I still much prefer holidays to normal days and if I have a day or two that are sad days, it's all ok. I'm still high up above the depression hole and haven't fallen in in quite some time. A couple of bad days isn't going to change that, thank you very much. That's all God's fault. He has seriously kept me from a dark place I almost expected to be after this much trying without getting pregnant. Sometimes it's sad, but mostly I'm fine. Really. I'd tell you if I weren't.

Tadaaaa!!! Wrapped up all my loose ends in just three paragraphs. I think... is something missing?

The Hard Part

I love the holidays. I love love love the holidays. My year is centered around time to spend with family, evenings talking over the card games, and pulling out decorations. It's my very favorite thing.

This year as I was pulling out my decorations, I pulled out a third stocking. I had bought a third last year "just incase." Man, that was sad. I had forgotten that I bought it, and the surprise of it was just sitting there in the middle of all my Christmas decorations. It felt like I was punched in the stomach. As a sweet friend said to me, "God has a plan for that stocking." That little bit of encouragement was just exactly what I needed to hear, and I moved on to the excitement of opening the rest of the boxes.

As the season has progressed, so has the emotional pull of the holiday toward family and tradition and I can't help but get a little down about not having the family I expected to have this year. Expectations are sometimes a hard thing to deal with, you know?

At church a few days ago, someone was describing the night his daughter was born and how the image of Christ's birth meant so much more after that night in the hospital a few years ago. Christmas is about a perfect newborn baby. We sing songs about sweet babies and a pregnant woman. There's a reminder at every turn. Sometimes that's really, really difficult. Sometimes that can suck all the magic out of the season and leave me wanting something more.

Thursday morning I have a follow up doctor's appointment to see how the medicine I've been on for the past few months is working. I'm in prayer for the appointment, but I'm not even sure I know how to pray for it. If I know I'm not pregnant, what am I hoping will come from the appointment? I'm just feeling a bit down about it, and feeling like I needed to get the hard part of Christmas over with. I am ready to move on and get back to the normal peace and contentment I've been experiencing over the past several months. I'm ready to put the sad third stocking to the side and get excited about the rest of the boxes, though I'm not sure what the next months or years will look like. If you're so obliged, would you please say a little prayer for me on Thursday morning? I really would appreciate that.

A Christmas Miracle

Let me start by saying that I'm now in a fine mind-space. That, however, was not the case an hour ago. I should also remind you that I have no heater in my car which, in turn, means I have no defroster in my car. And I might also add:


So this morning, I left the house about ten minutes early because I knew I had to stop and get gas. I scraped off the windshield with an old cell phone case because my scraper is missing. Which... you know... is fun because it doesn't really work that well. And about 3 minutes down the road my windshield completely iced over again. So I did what any person driving a 2 ton chunk of metal with no visibility would do and turned the windshield wiper blades on full blast. Shockingly, that didn't work. So I rolled down the window, stuck my head out, and drove to the gas station with MY HEAD OUT THE WINDOW. Also...

So I pulled into the gas station and called my husband, because that's what you do at 7am when your car doesn't work. He told me to get some windshield wiper fluid/deicer. So I did. And, believe it or not, I had never put any type of fluid other than gasoline in my car. Never ever. But I did it! I opened the hood and found the blue cap and dumped in almost an entire 5 gallon jug of the stuff. Also, I had probably called Dave 3 times at that point. Nevertheless, I hopped back in the car and turned on the windshield wiper spray guy, or whatever they are actually called. Aaaaand, it didn't work. Nothing. Not even the teensiest squirt. So maybe I called Dave again. And he suggested I pour a small amount of fluid on the sprayers to unfreeze them. And I did that, and THAT didn't work. Of course.

So I sat back down in my car, rolled the windows down again, and tried to maneuver into a parking space in the corner. I tried again to spray. And I waited. And I tried again. And I called my office to tell them I'd be late. And I started crying, and I tried again. And I googled Pep Boys to see what their work hours would be and I called Dave and I started crying more. Maybe uncontrollably. And I told him I was taking it in to get fixed and I didn't care how much it would cost and that the world was coming to an end and I was trapped at the gas station and I would die of hypothermia and I loved him and our life was really special and fun while it lasted and I was sorry about that one time I slammed the door. Maybe not all of that. More of it than you'd think, actually.

And while I was crying and imagining the end of my life trapped inside the icy car, the sprayers started spraying. I was almost embarrassed to tell Dave they were working because maybe I had overreacted before, and that's never fun to admit.

And I drove to work spraying my deicer basically non-stop because every time I stopped spraying, the windshield iced over again. And as soon as I pulled on to the interstate, where people drive 70 miles per hour, I ran out of fluid.

A whole 5 gallons. Gone.

So it iced over everywhere except a small little circle right in the middle. MIRACLE OF ALL MIRACLES.

And I drove to work half lying down in the front seat to look through the little circle right in the middle of the windshield. And I wasn't even crying then. You know what I was doing? I was praying for safety and praying that the little visibility circle in the middle didn't close up, and I was writing facebook statuses in my head. Because it's my happy place.

This is what I came up with:

- Nothing like crying in your 16 degree car for half an hour before 8 am to start the day off right.

- I had an actual "Jesus take the wheel" moment today.

- Oh nothing, just wearing leggings, pants, a long-sleeved shirt, a sweater, a heavy coat, slipper socks, thick boots, mittens, my hood, and still freezing to death because I'm sticking my head out of the window into the SIXTEEN DEGREE AIR while I drive because my window is iced over.

- If I were the type of woman who used cuss words, I would have said them all and invented several new ones this morning.

And then I got to work and grabbed some hot tea and borrowed a space heater and defrosted myself. And made plans to get my heater fixed.

On Becoming a Hermit

There have been little sneak peaks of the holiday decor in my house lately, but Dave finally uploaded the pictures for me. And since this is all I've looked at lately, I figured I'd share that with you. I've spent a lot of time looking at the inside of my house lately. Nothing like being sick to keep you cozy indoors. This has been my view for about a week now.

And this has been Dave's view... me huddled under blankets somewhere. Mostly on our giant bean bag, but occasionally in bed. Note the 2 quilts and one comforter.

The Perfect Tree

I've had a pestering little cough for a few days and was out of comission for several fun things this weekend. The good news is, I got in lots of naps and time wrapped in blankets watching movies. Including, but not limited to, 3 Hallmark Christmas movies in one day. Have you ever watched a Hallmark Christmas movie? They're kind of all the same. Someone died and their spouse/fiancee/child hasn't been able to celebrate Christmas since. They meet someone new and their life is now in a good Christmas celebration place. The end. Really... all three of the movies I watched that day had that same exact story. Also Lauren Holly... and really, I watched OVER half of a movie with Lauren Holly in it before I realized it was her. Botox is bad news, people.



Anyway... Saturday night Dave and I braved the cold to go on a hunt for the perfect Christmas tree. Or so I thought. In my mind it was snowing and my hair was curled and my nose was pink and Dave was driving a mini-van so he could tie The Perfect Tree to the top of the van and we wandered through the tree lot with the lights above us and children somewhere were singing Christmas carols.


In real life we drove to the fenced area at Lowe's, realized they only had short trees left, Dave asked the guy which one was best, and that was it. But then the guy working there mentioned that someone had a tree held and never came to pick it up and we could have it if we wanted it.



It was the only tree above 6 or 7 feet they had left and JACKPOT, it ended up being The Perfect Tree. So so perfect. It's just the right amount of tall and just the right amount of wide. So even though the hunt for the tree wasn't exactly what I had pictured, it all worked out. Christmas miracle.



Here's my beauty. Isn't she lovely? I want to keep her there all year. Though, we'd probably need to get a vacuum...



(Also, I have better pictures, but they're currently trapped inside my camera)

Twinkle

I shuffled my sleepy little feet around the house last night taking care of this glorious mess. And made this happen.

And I'm working on an advent calendar; I'm almost done! Well... sort of. I haven't done any of the sewing yet. And I'll probably want to change a few of the squares. I don't particularly care for 6 and 13. We'll see.

That little cardinal might be my favorite. Oh 22, you charming square, you.

Gifts Galore

I know the internet is full to the brim with gift guides. But holy smokes are they fun to put together. I spend a lot of time on the computer, and have (not exaggerating) 153 websites bookmarked in my favorites bar. Exessive? Maybe. Inspirational? Absolutely. So, I'm passing on my chronic web-treature-hunting expertise to you and helping you find some unique gifts for Christmas. You're welcome.

First off, the music lover. Bonus points if your music lover is also a DIY enthusiast. This is a create your own music box kit. Isn't that fun? I think so.

Next up, the crafty friend. Washi tapes are seriously all the rage right now. They're everywhere and they're SO multi-functional. This variety pack of washi tapes is super cute, super on trend, and a super unique gift.This sweet little carrying case would be good for several types of people. Great for moms to stick in diaper bags, great for any woman who desperately needs a cute make up bag, great for the kids who love to stick their treasures in different places. It just works. And it's just cute.For the handyman, this tiny screwdriver set. Dave's got a set of mini screwdrivers that he uses pretty often, and they're really handy to have around the house, in the car, or at the office. Under $10? Even better.

Seriously I can't get enough of these little nesting doll measuring cups. Good for the gal in your life who loves to cook OR the gal in your life who hates to cook, but really likes a cute kitchen. Win-win.

For the avid reader, these Out of Print t-shirts are perfect. Anyone can run to Old Navy and grab a generic shirt, but showing your second cousin that you really care about his interests is easy to fake with a fun shirt like this. Check out the Out of Print website for a TON of really great options.

For the newest fashionista. The moment I saw these booties, I fell in love. Mustard yellow, leather straps, knee-high booties for the teeniest chubby feet. Perfection.

For the dork who doesn't really want anything or need anything, I love this Etsy site. More unique shirts perfect for that dorky friend who's impossible to buy gifts for. Not that I have any of those...This little headband is perfect for... say... a blogger/artist/free-spirited-20something-redhead. You know... in case you needed a gift for such a person.

Do you have any go-to gifts this year that are unique and interesting? Leave them in the comments so we can all share your awesome expertise.

Last Week

I'm back in Nashville. I was welcomed this morning with cold rain, traffic jams, more than one work crisis (which I am getting back to as soon as this little coffee break is over) and I'm desperately trying to ignore this funny little throat tickle.

It's alright though, because my vacation was perfect. It was a complete blast. Time with family, fun activities, beautiful weather, a new sister, beach, and time with Dave (which is a rare occurrence this year.) It couldn't have been better. I mean that.

Pictures will come. Lots and lots of pictures. I promise!

Dance Party!

Something happened when my alarm went off this morning that hasn't happened in a long time. I woke up.

I know. Weird, right?

I was WIDE awake. Almost jittery with anticipation. Because today is the first day of vacation! Dave and I fly out of Nashville around 4:30 today and we'll be in Texas by dinner.

This space will probably be a little bare next week, but who knows, I may post a picture or two.

Two Years!

Today's my blog anniversary. My blogiversary. Thanks for checking in with me over the years. (Ha. Like it's been SOO long.) It's weird for me to go back and read through old posts. I hadn't quite found my voice yet, as they say in the writing world. But here it is! My voice! The one where I say "kind of" and "super" a lot and I use far too many commas.


Do you know what I'd really like for my blogiversary? I'd like you to leave a comment telling me how cool you are. I mean, I already know how cool you are, but if you type it in the comments section, everyone else can see it too. Example: "My name is Steph - I'm cool because I used to hate salad and I taught myself how to love it." Or "Hi, my name is Dave - I'm cool because I'm married to a lady who taught herself how to love salad." See what I did there? But really, its so easy and it would SERIOUSLY make my day. Please note: Google Analytics tells me how many people look at my blog. And where they're from. (twilight zone music inserted here)


And lastly, as a super-awesome-one-of-a-kind-blogiversary-bonus (I'm really not enjoying the word blogiversary at this point) I'm going to give a CUSTOM PAINTING (like the one below) away to a random commenter! So, why are you cool? Get crackin'!

My Hope

I'm feeling a little gross today. Upset stomach, really sleep deprived, and a tinge cranky. But no need to worry, friends. Because yesterday was great.

I help lead a 9th grade girls Bible study at my church and last night we talked about the fact that each person who believes in Christ has a story to tell. We get caught up in trying to fit in or trying to lay low and we forget that the story we have to tell is important and life-changing. We encouraged the girls to share their personal stories about when they first believed that God was God and how their relationship with Him started.

Almost all the girls have shared at this point. Just two or three of the 14 are still holding out. A couple of them have brought me to tears. A couple of them have made me laugh (in a good way, of course) and a couple of them have challenged me to rethink the way I'm doing Christianity. Because these girls have been so willing to share their stories, I decided that today I'd tell you the greatest story I know.

I was practically born in a church. My dad was a youth and music minister and we were in the pew rain or shine, sickness or health, day and night. We even sat in the same spot in each church we attended. Third row back from the piano.

I have always been a rule follower. It was easy for me to obey and to do what was expected and I was always the kid saying, "You’re going to get in so much trouble!" My life of following rules was an easy transition into walking down the center aisle at church to learn about how to become a Christian. My parents and the pastor explained to me what that meant. I believed every word.

God is holy -set apart. He created man and woman in His own image, but Adam and Eve went against what God had planned for them. Their sin broke the bond we had with God and sin deserves death. Because life outside of Christ is a terrible and hopeless thing and God knew that when He made us, He wants us to live for Him. Every person from that day forward has sinned and so every person from that day forward deserved to be separated eternally from Christ by going to Hell. That's a little heavy, right? The God who created the universe also put eyelashes on me. He wants me to know Him because He's awesome. If I refuse to know Him, I'm going to suffer for it and He knows that and wants us to choose Him. Because God loved me in a way that still doesn't make sense, He sent his son, Jesus, to earth to act as a bridge between our sinful lives and His complete forgiveness. Jesus was 100% God and 100% man.

As a kid that didn't make much sense to me, and honestly it still doesn't make sense. But my mind is finite, and I'm okay with not understanding everything. What I did understand was that Jesus died a terribly painful death. He was tortured and beaten because the love He had for me was so incredibly powerful that He chose to die - to take my place - because He wanted me to be with Him in Heaven after I die. His death gave me life. And do you know what happened after He died on the cross? He came back from the grave. For real. He was alive. People didn't believe it, but it was real. He told them to tell their friends and they did because it was... well... shocking, I'm sure. But also because it was a relief. His life and His death and His resurrection from the grave are exactly what had been promised to us. His death saved us. His death saved me.

Isn't that ridiculous? ME. I do some really awful stuff. I'm still a rule follower for the most part... but I am rotten. Rotten to the core. I'm judgmental and I'm selfish and I ignore Him most of the time. I go through life like I don't need Him far too often. But He's still completely in love with me. That sure doesn't make sense to me either. I'm very unlovely at times and He's still jealous for me. Because I believe that I'm a sinner and that my life is nowhere near complete without His love and forgiveness, I am trying to live a life in relationship with Him. I've accepted Him into my life and I'm forever saved. I can't lose that. He won't go back on His word. I've been washed clean by His grace.

I've been washed clean by His grace.

It hasn't always been easy. You can read about how NOT easy it has been here. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life is perfect. It means life is hopeful.

All the really awful stuff is temporary. The stomach aches and the sleep deprivation too, I suppose. If you want to know more about being a Christian or if you want to share YOUR story with me... I would SO love to hear that. Shoot me an email (stephhagenart@gmail.com ) or leave a message in the comments section. I promise I will really listen to what you have to say.

Losing It

I just laughed out loud at a noise I heard from the construction project upstairs because I imagined a person making that noise and the look "she" had on her face while making it was hilarious. It's a slow and interesting decent to crazy, friends.

Yesterday I dropped a banana pepper, 2 peanuts, and a dime under my desk. What I found when I finally got down there (the banana pepper was the tipping point. a dime and a couple of peanuts aren't too gross. a banana pepper really warrants a small tidying up.) was a nickle and three paper clips. And that's it. THAT'S IT!

And because everything is better in sets of three: I created 3 new iPhone hobbies in the past 3 days. That's one per day, if you're counting.

But I do believe that being slightly crazy gives me more credibility as an artist. So there's that.

Tesskus

That's how my youngest sister, whom I will see in one week(!), used to pronounce Texas. And taxi was taski and ask was aks. And when she was little bitty, she had no front teeth for a very long time after a terrible porch step accident and she cut her own bangs way too short and got a really awful Dorothy Hamil/scarecrow haircut. Oh what a sweet hillbilly baby she was. She totally made up for that though, because now she's super gorgeous. Also she's graduating high school this year. That's weird.

Anyway. Texas. I'm leaving in a week. A WEEK, GUYS! It's kind of all I can think about. And by kind of I mean it's ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. So to prepare myself for the journey ahead, the Tuesday list (as started here) is all about my packing list for Texas. Packing lists are a family tradition started by my grandpa on my dad's side. My dad does them, and now I'm carrying on the wonderful tradition.

Things to pack for TX:

A New Twist on Christmas Crafting

Every year but one since we've been married I have decided to make all my Christmas gifts. I spend a great deal of time and effort making things. I call it Stephanie's Christmas Workshop normally, and it's very festive and fun and I really do love making things for people. I really really love it. But this year I think I decided to not make my gifts.

I KNOW! It's hard to believe.

But what I AM doing this year, is crafting all sorts of lovely handmade Christmas decorations. I have ideas for ornaments, little table decorations, fun garland additions, etc. etc. etc. and I've never had the time to make any of them because I'm busy making gifts. I've finished a handful of ornaments already that I'm super excited about showing to you. So this year, I'm opting for store bought gifts and homemade decor. I'm unnervingly excited about it. (Though... shoot... I just realized that the only gift I've purchased so far is for my lovely mama. But also I made something for her a couple months ago that I forgot about. Well, mama, looks like you get two gifts this year!)

And before you all get your panties in a wad because it's ONLY NOVEMBER 15th and I'm skipping Thanksgiving and corporate America is the devil for trying to jump from holiday to holiday and the world is coming to an end because someone mentioned Christmas before November 26th, let me say this: It takes a long time to make as many decorations as I've got floating in my head. I need a whole month. Ok? Fine.

So here's my round-up of inspiration and things I plan to make. Sources for the ideas are below each picture. Also... all the Christmas decorations I bought on clearance last January are brown, gray, white, red, and a little dark green. Very traditional looking. I'm planning to stick to that color scheme.

Source

I want SO MUCH to hang that red coat and that little deer on my tree. Aren't they the cutest?

Source

Source

Source

Source

Hobbies

My husband is the one who takes all the pictures. He read the camera manual when we bought it and now he's all, "shutter, aperture, ISO" and I'm like, "why is this picture so wiggly looking?"

He spends a lot of time in the studio (maybe I've mentioned that before?) so almost all of his pictures are of studio stuff and holy cow does he like taking pictures of studio stuff.

Because I've been sketching like a madman for the past few days, I don't have much of my own to talk about. So here are some of Dave's pictures. Pretty talented guy, right?

This one is one of my favorites! Why do I love blurry pictures so much?

The Magic Friend-Maker

Two things. 1. This is not a blog post looking for coddling or fishing for compliments. Really, it's not. It IS a blog post trying to explain blogging to people who don't "get" blogging though. And 2. I have some secrets.

The first secret is this - I am fairly socially awkward.

I can't carry on conversations sometimes. I can't make new friends as well as I'd like. I'm quiet, I'm shy, I'm pretty self-conscious sometimes, and every once in a while I feel like I have nothing worth-while to say. I most definitely am not going to spark an interesting debate or reach out to someone in a public setting.

But the cool thing is my blog kind of does that for me. My blog has proven to be a conversation starter on more than one occasion. People who normally wouldn't come up and start conversations about infertility can. Or people who see me across a room can come up and say, "hey, I saw on your blog that you like to paint! Me too! I like to paint too! Let's be friends!" The blog gives people a reason to get to know me when they normally wouldn't have a reason. I like that. It takes a little social pressure off of me.

My second secret is this... this little space gives me confidence. Once a day, I get this chance to put something into the world that I've spent time on. Something with too many grammar mistakes and strange sentence structures. Something that I care about. And sometimes, shockingly, other people care about it too. For someone who has struggled very much in the past with self-worth (and who is getting better day by day), having 5 or 30 or 50 blog visitors a day is a very, very cool thing.

Some people think that last sentence (and blogging in general) is about ego. Some people do see my blog as egotistical, I suppose. But for me, the few paragraphs a day I send out into the world is not at all about ego, but about telling myself every day that some people do care about me. It's not to stack up compliments onto a healthy confidence, but to build up a foundation where once there was a very unhealthy hole. As pitiful and cheesy as that may sound, it's true.


So thanks, if that's you. Lovely, faithful blog reader. Thanks for helping me get up out-the-hole.

Things That Go Together List

So, it's Tuesday. It's time for random list making!

pretzels + coffee

yellow + gray

ADD + twitter

plaid + fall

denim + lace

chocolate + hazelnuts

moss + stone

you + me

glitter + color

mushrooms + everything

4:00 + weekdays

college-ruled paper + lists

soup + garlic (not fully pictured)

It's About That Time

Sneaking up ever so slowly (or not so slowly if you watch TV or go to the store or listen to the radio...) is The Holiday Season. Obviously that warrants uppercases.

Last year, Mr. Hagen and I negotiated a fantastic treaty that includes me getting a real tree this year, which I've been begging for since we got married. Also, we have a fireplace and I bought buckets full of 75% off Christmas decor last year. Those things combined have really got me itching to start Christmassing up the house. But I won't. I will ignore the stacks of wonderful Christmas music and the containers of garland and lights and I won't start making holiday snacks yet.

I won't.

Really, I won't.

But with all the gusto I can muster (that phrase is just asking to be put in a dance song) I plan to prepare for The other Holiday Season. Thanksgiving falls between Halloween and Christmas. Did you remember that? Because I think Wal-Mart forgot. My Thanksgiving will be different this year and I'm really excited about the whole week. Air travel, hotels, Cracker Barrel, beaches, new dresses... basically just a lot of awesome things.

And there's really no point to this blog post, but as I just discussed with my mom, most blog posts really have no point anyway. So there's that.

Random Observations for the Weekend

Friday brain is very similar to scrambled eggs. So today's blog is very similar to a breakfast platter... random things put all together in one place.

- All I want to do this weekend is sleep, watch movies, cook, and relax.
- The idea of the heater being on in my house right now + the fact that Dave is home until lunch = I very much want to cuddle on the couch under a blanket and take a nap.
- I'm shrinking. My diet and exercise plan is going well... my pants are all too big.
- It's only seventeen days until I go to Texas! Three cheers for a sweet beach wedding, a new sister, dress up clothes, and vacation!
- I wanted to put a swing in the living room, but my husband "logisticsed" me out of it.
- Bluegrass and fall are soul mates.

- In an act of some weird male solidarity thing, my husband and the guys he's working with this week have decided to all sport mustaches while they're tracking bass guitar.

- It's a good thing my husband has been getting home after dark because I don't particularly enjoy the "solidarity 'stache."

- The music business is a strange bird.

- Hurricane Tomas is about to hit Haiti and there are 1.2 million people living in tents. Tents don't hold up well to hurricanes, I'd imagine. Pray for Haiti, please.
- This Sunday I'll be attending an adoption/orphan care picnic at church that I'm really excited about!
- The next Sunday is an adoption fundraiser where we'll be selling tote bags, t-shirts, and coloring books all designed by me to help these nice folks.
- The two instruments that I like the most: piano and ukelele. My two least favorite instruments: harpsichord and accordion.
- My two new obsessions: sunflower seeds in salad. Lots and lots of sunflower seeds in salad. AND Kings & Queens "Queen Elizabeth Sugar" body butter. I put it on my hands and just sniff my palms all day long.
- Apparently guests who bought the former lotion from Target also bought bicycles. Hello Kitty bicycles to be exact.
- I need to stop rambling.

The Idea Bank

I have about 400 life-changing ideas a month. I always think, THIS IS IT! THIS is the idea. And a mind-racing obsession begins. And I think and think and plan and think until I get stuck or until I have another life-changing idea.

So I had another one. But I really mean it this time.

This idea is actually an idea that puts my too-many-ideas issue to use. (Are you sick of the word "idea" yet? Because this is only the beginning, folks.) This idea is one that supports all the things I love, works with my past and present passions, and even (believe it or not) turns the things I'm not good at into an asset. Doesn't that idea sound awesome? Well you're right. It is.

Because I don't want to release this idea until it makes complete sense and seems like an actual possibility, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I need help with it, so I've told a few people and I needed to talk it through a bit before it made complete sense. So I've been doing that this week.

What I can tell you is this: it's a non-profit organization idea. I've wanted to start a non-profit organization for years and the sudden collision of several of my life-changing ideas recently led me to this one, all encompassing, idea. Starting a non-profit is even on my Project Life List (#37)! Right now I know nothing about starting a business and that's the scary part. I know a little about running a business but that's about the end of my expertise. But even with that in mind, I feel motivated, hopeful, and inspired.

Sorry if that's too cryptic of a post. I hate it when bloggers do that. But it's on my mind in a big big way and it's all I can think about today.

Surprise!

This week marks the anniversary of my first date with my husband 8 years ago. That first date was a group trip to the Elk's Lodge to play Bingo. A few things I remember about that date: 1. Courtney won 2. I sat across from Dave and 3. man that room was smoky.

In the 8 years since that date, I've tried to surprise Dave with all sorts of different things. He figures it out every time. Which really sucks all the fun out of surprises.

As a small celebration of our first-date anniversary, I planned a fun surprise for Dave. One of our favorite bands from Missouri, Ha Ha Tonka, is from our college town. We've talked a few times about the fact that we wish they'd come to Nashville, but they never had. When I realized that they were finally coming to Music City AND that it was the same week as our first-date anniversary, I immediately snatched up two tickets. Interested tid bit: Ha Ha Tonka is also the name of the state park in between my childhood house and Dave's childhood house (about 10 minutes apart) that we've driven past about 40 million times. Nostalgia all around!

So about a month before the show, I asked the Mr. to leave work early that day because I was planning a surprise. Mwaahhah. He picked me up and we made our way inside Exit/In. Rocky Votalato was the headliner, so even as we were entering the venue, Dave didn't know why we were there. When we got inside, Dave saw "Ha Ha Tonka" scrawled next to the guest list. SURPRISE! It totally worked.

It's My New Thing

If every thing on Earth had a fan following, I would be voted President of Super Fans for the "lists" Fan Club. I like lists. I like them in poetry and lyrics, grocery lists, to do lists, packing lists, etc.


My friend Lillian, who is mentioned on this blog so often she needs her own category, tipped me off to this site with the cutest ever daily journal pages. And you'd think with how excited it made me that I was also the President of Super Fans of Daily Journal Pages with Parts to Color and Silly Doodles. And I printed two copies so I could go ahead and do them all in one afternoon, but I also could do one per day, like one is supposed to do. And then THAT site lead me over to THIS site that just happens to be doing a list thing every Tuesday that convinced me that I needed to start making this blog more awesome by adding lists and doodles and parts to color every Tuesday as well.


So, here we are. Run on sentences later. And sentence fragments later. Lists and Doodles and Parts to Color... it's my new thing. I'd like to do one per week. We'll see. I don't normally participate in things other blogs are doing every week, but I think you know how I feel about lists. On the list of members of the Super Excited About This Fan Club, I'm like junior vice president or something.


Here's the first page.

Youth Camp

Friday evening I packed into a bus with 200 high school kids and went to youth camp. Cool things happen at youth camp.

Like zip-lining.

And serious messes.

And spending time praising a really cool God.

And bedtimes of 3 am.

And dance parties. Lots and lots of dance parties.