Missing Home

This week offcially marks the start of the 6th month I've been away from home. That's the longest I've ever gone without making a trip back to Missouri, and I certainly am feeling it. I don't know if it's the weather or the upcoming holidays, but I am ready for a trip back. Unfortunately, I have to wait a few more weeks until Thanksgiving.

I've been thinking a lot lately about family... about how it's so foundational, but it spreads far beyond foundation and becomes intertwined with every bit of life. I've been so lucky to have the family I do; I'm so so lucky.

To the family that raised me and to the family that I gained 4 years ago, you're family that has chosen to love me even after you were forced to love me - to all of you back in Missouri - I love you, and I miss you, and I'll see you soon.

The Infamous "craft room"

Once or twice, I have mentioned my craft room, my art room, or when I'm feeling fancy... my art studio. It is usually just a room where I can pile all my tiny scraps of paper, get paint on the furniture, and hang up whatever decorations I want without the husband getting annoyed. Me and my tiny bits of paper are like him and his cords. Millions of cords. All sizes and lengths. All different purposes. All over the house.

On a seemingly unrelated note - I've been sick for 5 days. A flu, perhaps, nothing of the swine variety, but annoying nonetheless. Because I've been sick for what seems like months and have hardly left the house (with the exception of a double feature at the drive-in, and a trip to buy some new fall clothes - half off all clearance, folks. Even sickness can't keep me away from deals like that) here comes the relation to the craft room... I was inspired to organize. I moved furniture, which I don't recommend doing if you've been asleep for 14 hours earlier that day, hung artwork and inspiring things, and finished up TWO projects that really didn't need to be finished.

It felt good. It feels good. I've been sitting in here as much as possible, when I'm not sleeping or moping in front of Dave so he'll feel sorry for me. The prettiest tree in the neighborhood just happens to be outside the window of my art studio, yes, it feels fancy today, and the yellow and orange leaves are creating some serious fall motivation. I feel very much like I'm a bear going into hibernation. Getting my cave ready for the long haul. Also packing on a few pounds, but that's not really a good thing, it's just a can't-stop-making-hearty-soups-and-chili thing.

Because I've finally cleaned things up in here, I decided to take some pictures for the world to see. Documentation that I can, in fact, be an organized artist.

These little suitcases are just the cutest, right? I wish I knew what brand they were. They house embroidery floss, buttons, and ribbon scraps. Yes, I have a container for ribbon scraps.

This bulletin board is a work in progress. The funky pattern in the bottom left is a tile from my grandma's old bathroom. I want to frame it someday. The map (which I bought thinking it was about 4 feet wide, long story) has little push-pins in the places to which I've sold artwork. And pictures of my sisters - wonderful artsy girls.

I finally found a place to hang these paintings, which I've been wanting to hang since I made them. Here's the description of these pieces.

This is the beautiful tree out my window. Not really anything to do with my organizational skills. But, pretty.

A DIY project I'm pretty proud of. Mixed nuts tins wrapped in pretty papers and ribbons. See, Dave... I do have a use for ribbon scraps.

This easel is amazing! My dad hand made this for my wedding gift. It's huge and awesome. Be jealous that your dad isn't as cool as mine.

This wall is a work in progress also. The painting on the left is a copy of the first painting I sold. The swirly, colorful thing in the center is a ribbon holder. My good friend, Lillian is going to post a how-to of one of these on her blog soon, so I'll let you know when that happens. And the painting on the right is one I did in high school. It's a painting of Dave from when we took a trip to Seattle for my brother's graduation. It's one of the first paintings I did... and it's really more sentimental than impressive.

Miraculous

This weekend, I did something I haven't done in 18 years - since my sister was born. I held a day old baby. Sorry the picture qualitiy isn't any better - but it's pretty decent for a cell phone picture.

This is my friends first little one, Abigail Katheryn. The doctors told them that on a scale of 1-10 they measure "perfection" for each newborn, and little Abby got a 9.9! I just can't imagine what that .1% is. Possibly she's just too cute, and that .1% is because they couldn't believe she was that precious. She even opened her eyes for her photo shoot. Sure seems like a 10 to me. Congrats Chris and Beka on a perfect and beautiful baby girl!

Peace

Something strange has been happening to me lately. I don't know what started it, why is has shown itself in my life, or how long it will last. It looks different than anything I've experienced before.

I'm pretty sure that it's contentment.

I've had such an overpowering sense of peace in the past few months and it's been strange to see. I tend to be the type of person who is always looking ahead to the next big thing in life, and I get anxious to change my surroundings (literally and figuratively). Even though several things I've been excited about have kind of fallen through - such as the nannying job I was so looking forward to, a couple of big art sales, and other miscellany - I'm just in a place of peace and joy.

A therapist told me once, "Joy and happiness are two very different things. You need both. Happiness is letting the outside in, joy is letting the inside out." So, I've been allowing happiness to seep in without the anxiousness that usually blocks it. I've prayed hard for this peace to last, for me to truly understand the hope God has given to me, and it's been followed by such joy. Filling me up and gushing out.

Mad Props

Helpful tip - If you click on these images, it will take you to a larger size. So you can actually read it.

I know I'm beating you over the head with this - but seriously, it's so cool.

These images are from the Relient K album that Dave worked on. His name is in there. Repeatedly! (Dave Hagen, Dark Horse Dave and Super Dave Hagen [my personal favorite])They're kind of hard to see here, so I suggest going out and buying it. It's a great album, plus, he can even sign it for you if you want.

I don't say it enough - but I'm awfully proud of that husband of mine. He was working 100+ hours per week while doing this project. That's literal hours, by the way. He was waking up at 5:00 every morning to work 6 hours or so at a job that's not fun just to help out with bills and neverending car repairs, and driving straight to the studio to stay up until the wee hours of the morning - because that's what we're here for. Rinse, repeat.

To the guy who deserves more than I or the music business can offer - congratulations.

The Inaugural Craft Night

Last night was the first craft night in, I hope, an ongoing tradtion. Great fun (and homemade chex mix) was had. Crafts were started (few finished), friends were made, and coffee tables were dirtied. Couldn't have been more fun.

While we were busy giggling and making stuff, I quickly realized how lucky I was to have such sweet, creative friends.

I can see this lasting a very long time.

The Pumpkin Patch

When I was younger, we used to go to St. Louis to my great-aunt's pumpkin patch. Hay rides, pick-your-own-pumpkin fields, and much, much more. It was the greatest expereince as a child, and I still get excited every fall when I think about taking a trip to a pumpkin patch. Though my great-aunt's farm is 6 hours away, there is one just south of Nashville, about 30 minutes from our house. We went this past weekend with some great friends and had a blast. My friend Angie took these photos while we were there.

They had some amazing bunting up in the barn, made out of bandanas! Brilliant! I'm planning on doing this someday on my back porch perhaps.

This is her sweet son, Logan, in the pick-your-own-pumpkin field. He loves to dress up! Look at that cute little vest...

This is Logan, Dan, Dave, and me checking out some amazing sheep. They're an endagered breed, I guess. Very soft and spotty.

Excitement

Tomorrow is a big day for this humble music business family. Tomorrow is the official release date of the album Dave just finished working on. It's Dave's first big album, at least. Although you can, of course, buy the mp3 version of it, you'd really be missing out on seeing Dave's name in the jacket. I suggest buying the hard copy...at a store...where they sell CD's. Yeah, they still do that. I know, it's crazy. But wouldn't it be worth it when you're holding it in your hand and showing people in the aisles, with an exciting, albeit crazy look in your eye, saying, "I know this guy!"

I mean, you're practically famous already.

Forget and Not Slow Down - Relient K

It's Starting...

It's October...eep! Fall is my favorite time of year, so SO much fun. Cable knit sweaters, pumpkin seeds, homemade soup, Christmas planning. (Don't tell my husband I said Christmas already. Seriously.)

If you know me in person, you know that I have a tendency to jump around in thought and in conversation. Today’s blog will showcase that aspect of my personality. Instead of thinking of myself as flighty, I like to think of it as quirky.

First on the list of jumping topics, I have lots of fun fall activities planned this weekend. I’m very excited about the first bowl of chili of the season (thanks again to the lovely Lillian), heading to the pumpkin patch with Dave and a few sweet friends, possibly an arts and crafts project with some awesome crafty kids, and some fall cleaning/organizing. I bought a new caramel apple crisp air freshener, and it's just pointless if my house still looks as messy as summer, right? So, cleaning it will be.

And some fun news – I’m hosting my first craft night next week! It’ll be at my house, in my craft room, I think – which needs the most cleaning and organizing. (Also don’t tell my husband that I admitted that.) I could not be more excited about craft night. It should be lots of fun – I’ll be sure to let everyone know how it went.

Some really fun news, for me at least, is happening on Saturday without me. I donated a painted window to a silent auction in the Nashville area and left lots of business cards. So, if you attended the silent auction, and you’re visiting my humble little blog because of that – welcome! We’re so happy to have you. Pull up a seat and stay awhile.

Lastly, please, if you haven’t done so, check out my new and improved etsy site. With the new pictures up, I think it looks totally different, and I'm quite excited. Here’s the link.

Have a great fall weekend, friends!

This Looks Like Real Art!

I've said it before, many times, but I have the greatest friends.  Really.  If there were a competition, I'd win.  

One of my awesome friends is Lillian B.  You can check out her website here.  She took these pictures of my artwork, and I don't know about you...  but I think these are a little better than my camera phone pictures.

Thanks Lillian! 

 

Twenty Days

Just realized this morning that it's been twenty days since my last blog post. This past couple weeks has been busy, but don't I always say that? Am I the only one who is sick of me saying that? I mean, everyone is busy, right? The month of September was, by far, the busiest week I remember having at my office and trying to get done ELEVEN! projects is just not happening. Not to mention, I volunteered for three more projects. Ahem. I really am a smart person sometimes. Sometimes.

Luckily, I finally had time to get some artwork done this weekend for a silent auction I agreed to help out with. I have a new painted window to submit - along with lots of business cards sitting near, of course. This window is actually my favorite yet and I plan to do many more with the same idea carried through.

Since my digitial camera has been laid to rest, here are some camera phone pictures...I know. I know. Terrible. But, I really like the window, and I want to share! The title of this window is River Stones.

It's metallic paint!

A Restful Weekend

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First, a brief customer service announcement...all 3 of you who commented this weekend are going to be getting a prize. But, please forgive me if it's not immediate. It will come. Now, on to our regularly scheduled programming.

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What do you do when you have about eighty art and design projects going at once (none of which are income sources - I may add), 2 house guests, a dog-sitting arrangement, and a long holiday weekend? Well, I'm so glad you asked. You sit around the house in the midst of the chaos playing video games with your sister, you go to the drive-in theatre for the special holiday weekend triple feature, you have dinner out with friends...twice, and you refine your ignoring skills. (With the exception of feeding the dog of course.)

What do you do Tuesday morning when it hits you that you have done nothing? You panic. You look at facebook for a while, you check over your calendar, you get some good ideas for, you're not going to believe this, new projects to start and you panic.

I hope your weekend was as restful and as lovely as mine.

Too Much

I'm swamped. Seriously busy.

But I haven't forgot about the six of you who read the blog!

To reward you, I'm doing ANOTHER giveaway!!! But this one is a secret. I'm not advertising this giveaway anywhere but right here. So, if you want to win a special little prize just post a comment on this blog. Any ol' comment you want. I'll draw a random number Tuesday morning, at the end of the long weekend (Hooray hooray for holiday weekends) and you'll get your surprise in the mail shortly, or in person if you're here in Nashville.

Shh...don't tell!

Beautiful, Beautiful Words of Wisdom

I came across this list today from a woman named Regina Brett of The Plain Dealer, in Cleveland, Ohio. She just turned 90 years old, and the list below is from her. I can't stop reading it. I've made it all the way through a few times, and I can say with all certainty, I will keep it close to me.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
45. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

Fun with Clothes

I may have mentioned this before - I adore putting outfits together. It is the perfect quick creative outlet for me. Mixing colors, patterns, textures, and shapes...heavenly. I can't get enough. Here's some proof.

On a related note. I'm available for wardrobe styling for YOU! And if you'd like any details about the specific items used in these outfits, just let me know and I'll send it your way.

Vacation: days one - three

Four

Today marks the fourth year Dave and I have been married. We've known each other for seven; we dated for three. In these past 4 years, we've had a total of eleven jobs, lived in six homes, gone through seven vehicles, and managed to not only keep our sanity, but also to grow up together. I was 19, he was 20... we've done a lot of growing up. We have each changed by immeasurable amounts, but every change we make seems to mimic a change in the other and we have become immeasurably closer through it. We teach each other, have so much fun together, and learn how life works together. Life isn't perfect and marriage isn't perfect, but I think what we have is about as close as it can get.

David is one of those very rare men in the world who is genuinely a wonderful person. Godly, kind, honest, intelligent, compassionate, and giving. He has seen me at my absolute best, and he's helped me be better. He has seen me worse than I ever knew I could be, and he has loved me still. He's a wonderful, wonderful man - and it's my pleasure and my honor to be called his wife. Happy anniversary, David. I love you.

Depression

I gave myself a little pep talk before I started this blog. I told myself that I would always be honest – that I wouldn’t skirt issues that were affecting me, and so on. This is one of those times that I really don’t want to write honestly, but I’m going to out of a hope that it might help someone else.
I’m living with depression. It’s not a daily struggle, but it is a daily issue. I get in “funks” as Dave and I call them. A funk, for me, is categorized as a period of time – days, weeks, usually all winter, as well - where I don’t function like I feel I should. I usually can feel it creeping up on me. It can start with a little tiny thing pushing me in the direction of sadness, fatigue, or sometimes a complete lack of emotion. But it can also start for no reason. I can be sitting on the couch, watching TV, and feel it come barreling in. It also masquerades as several different things. Sometimes I look overly emotional – I will sob during movies that shouldn’t be so sad or cry during a conversation that shouldn’t warrant tears, often it looks like laziness – I could go days doing nothing but sitting in the house in the dark or sleep 12-15 hours a night several days in a row. Sometimes it feels like deep loneliness, even when I’m surrounded by friends. Sometimes it looks completely normal. My life makes sense, and my emotions make sense. Other times it looks normal, but it doesn’t feel normal. Lots of people are depressed. Most people who live with it don’t understand it, and the people around them definitely don’t understand it either. If you’re someone who is very close to someone with depression, please understand that you can’t fix it. Sometimes even trying to fix it is worse than just letting it happen. Show love and support. Listen. Watch for warning signs of serious mental illness or suicide attempts. But you’re never going to fully understand it, and you’re not going to be able to fix it.
If you are not someone going through depression, I want to use this post as a window of sorts into the feelings. The past few days for me are an example of how my depression works. Last week was a great week. I was feeling up and alive and motivated. All weekend I had a great time being around close friends. Sunday afternoon I went to a party with a group of wonderful friends from church. We talked and laughed and ate some amazing lasagna.
And then Sunday night, I was laughing with Dave, we were having a fun time just hanging out together. Right before we fell asleep I said to him, “I don’t really want to talk about it, but today was hard for me.” He said, “I thought it may have been,” which is proof that I can’t hide my sadness like I generally think I can. And we went to bed.
Yesterday, I couldn’t focus on work, I was irritable, and I was very tired. Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant (which, if you know me at all, you know this is a serious desire for me) and woke up to realize that it was only a dream and became very emotional, I couldn’t sleep well at all, constantly waking up and feeling sad as I tried to fall back asleep and getting annoyed with myself that I was sad in the middle of the night, which meant I was wide awake… filled with emotion that had no cause, and spiraling deeper into the emotion.
When my alarm finally went off this morning, I struggled with whether or not I was going to go to work. I didn’t want to face normal life, normal people, outside situations. I had enough going on with myself, and bringing other people into it was not something I thought I could handle. I finally did get out of bed and got ready because I knew that if I called into work I would have to tell them why I wasn’t coming into work, and that would bring people into my mess even more – which I really didn’t want. Since “getting ready for work” was just an automatic response that I had to put little to no effort into today, I had about 15 minutes to kill before I left for work. I lay back in bed, with Dave still asleep, and cried. For no reason. I was just sad. Sad that I had to go to work, sad about not being pregnant, worried that maybe I could never have children, worried that I was holding on to something so totally out of my control, sad that I didn’t have breakfast, and sad that I was sad. I cried on my way to work, I cried at my desk, I ignored phone calls, I avoided chit-chat.
Although this isn’t a complete picture of what depression can be, it’s a glimpse. I’m not posting this so people will feel sorry for me, or so I can get away with certain emotions. I really do want this to help people in some way, and I want to be honest. If you have any questions about depression, feel free to ask me – but I can’t guarantee I’ll have any answers.

25 Things That Make Me Smile - the sequal

In January, I had a post about things I was loving at the moment, titled 25 Things That Make Me Smile. Since being more grateful is something I think we should all strive towards...I've decided to make my 25 things list bi-annual. So, without further ado, here ya go.

• The way fingers smell when they're finished peeling an orange
• Seeing wind - in pine trees and in big puddles
• "Going shopping" without spending the money. via Polyvore
• The mood and energy burst I get every spring
• Shoes...oh, shoes
• Sticking to a budget. It sounds crazy, I know - but it feels so good
• Rice and beans, which coinsidentally helps out with the previous bullet point
• My new food processor
• Having wonderful co-workers
• Finally figuring out Twitter (you can follow me @stephaniehagen)
• Selling my first painting to NEW YORK CITY!
• A husband who is fun. Really, fun is a big deal.
• The new album, "Old Time Speaker" by Bronze Radio Return "Digital Love" is great
• The fact that my giant bean-bag fits perfectly in the bed of our truck. Perfect Drive-in theater experience
• The wholly perfect, purposeful plan of God
• Seeing an idea I had being carried out by others successfully, gives me hope for my own idea
• All my dear, dear friends who are pregnant with healthy babies (currently, 9 friends are carrying, and one is carrying twins. Ridiculous, no?)
• Trying my hand at writing lyrics. It's a whole other animal than writing poetry
• Homemade guacamole. Can't get enough. Although, avocados are $1.08 a piece. That does not make me smile
• Living in a super-friendly neighborhood sandwiched by two amazing families
• Slow months at work (thank heavens for slow phone days)
• Anything feminine in fashion - bows, ribbon, pleating, florals. - I'm hooked on cutesy
• Hillsboro Village in Nashville. It's a magical place
• Planning my first monthly craft night. I'm thinking of calling it "crafternoon delight"
• People who comment on my blog and list a few of the things that are making them smile today :)

Smile, friends. Life is better when we're adding to the beauty.

A little of this...a little of that

Today, I have a hodge-podge of things I want to share. Please just appease me in my randomness.


The first thing is health related - (and it's the last health thing for a while, I promise). And it's also good news! I got some blood work back this week from my doctor's office. It was another cholesterol check, and the results were good. Not great, but good. For those of you, like myself before February of 2008, who know nothing about cholesterol - I will put it this way... desirable cholesterol levels are 200 and lower. From "desirable" to "very high" is only 40 points. My cholesterol level was 304 - which is 104 points above desirable (if just 40 points difference is good to bad, then think what 104 points difference is!). Yikes, right? Well, I have gone from 304 down to 221! It took me about a year and a half, not bad. I'm still in the "borderline high" category, but I'm at least low enough now that I don't have to go on medication, which is great news.



The second tidbit is also exciting, though a bit vague. Today I have an opportunity that may flourish into something fun for me. I've been talking with a woman from church about the possibility of becoming the nanny for her little one that's due in December. The details are still not hashed out yet, and it may not work out in the long run. But I am indeed excited about the possibility. For those of you out there who are the praying type - please send one up for me. I've been doing a lot of it in the past few months, and, well, I'm just very hopeful.



And to keep with the theme of random objects with no relation - here is a picture from my current favorite website to brighten your day.