Best Friends

Without getting overly emotional or personal (ha, like that's ever stopped me from posting something on this blog) I want to say a quick thanks to my friends and family. I have some really great friends and family. So, this is an open letter to all my closest friends.

Lately I have been flighty, "too busy" and preoccupied. I've been quick to getting angry and/or hurt and I've been slow to show grace and thankfulness. I've been kind of a suckity friend lately. And I don't use the word suckity very often... unless I really mean it.

I did not forget all the wonderful things you've been doing for me lately. I didn't overlook your emotional support, your words of affirmation, your enthusiasm for my life, and your sweet and constant friendship.

If it weren't for you, I would be lost and lonely. I mean that. I tried life without friends once. It didn't really work out.

So thanks. I like you quite a lot.

(I want you to know that our relationship is important to me. If you're not pictured, it's not because I don't appreciate you; it's probably because I don't have a picture.)

*note: this is sparkling grape juice - which is like, my favorite ever beverage and the fastest way into my heart. also, please note I have lost weight since this picture, thankyouverymuch.

Office Stuff

I've had the early-spring (technically it's not spring yet, but whatever...) urge to organize everything. Every. Thing. So I went on a mental shopping spree yesterday to buy organizational things for my imaginary office, because that's what you do when you're trying to pay off debt and have a savings, etc.

These are the items I put in my shopping carts before I deleted them.

1. Cutie file folder boxes. I'd stick with brown, I think. 2. Elegant file folders. Because if you can have a pretty folder over a plain folder, why on earth would you pick plain? 3. Retro pens because they match. 4. Jadeite Desk Set because it's one of the colors I'm obsessing over now. and 5. The camera pencil sharpener because ARE YOU KIDDING ME with that cuteness? And the fact that Dave and I have started inadvertently collecting vintage cameras... and my current pencil sharpener is broken. If that wasn't sold out, I would have actually purchased it maybe.

But since my shopping is imaginary anyway, I'm going to go ahead and put this on the list.

Nice Weather

This weekend was exactly what I needed. I did a whole lot of this.

I met some new friends, did a little thrifting, a little clearance shopping (hello $6 jeans!), and a teeny bit of project accomplishing.

I've been itching to make one of these Food Passports since I first saw them over here, and this weekend I finally made it! I'm in love with it.

The amazing weather, the fun friends, the cheap shopping loot, and the minty green nail polish really made for a great weekend.

So Stinking Much

I have a friend that I meet with every week or so for mentoring. Last night we met for coffee and I tried to give her the recap on the past couple of weeks and ended up talking basically nonstop the entire hour and a half. Seriously. So much talking.

But it made me realize just how jam-packed my life has been lately. I've had time for nothing because I'm trying to make time for everything. Know what I mean? I'm sure you do, if you live in America. So this weekend, I had planned on painting the bedroom (and I may still) but what I really want to do is relax. I want to play outside, cook my own meals, take a nap or two, watch old movies on tv with my favorite quilt, and relax.

Because if it takes me an hour and a half to recap the past two weeks, that's too much stuff.

People are Sweet

Yesterday was a strange day. There was a lot of awesome in the morning, some really great around lunch time, and a moment of pretty significant disappointment in the afternoon, and then when I got home from work I had a beautiful surprise. No, not another headboard.One of the sweetest people I ever had the chance to meet is Kelli. She's been helping me all along the way with Straw Heart Project stuff, and she decided to send me this beautiful copper wire Straw Heart Project logo. I'm in love. Because of the aforementioned disappointment in the day, coming home to something like this was such a sweet surprise. Shocker, I teared up, but they were happy tears. Thanks, Kelli! For just being so awesome.

It's My Favorite

If you don't follow me (or design*sponge) on twitter and you're not my facebook friend, you don't know that yesterday afternoon, Grace of design*sponge retweeted a link to my blog to show the amazing headboard Mr. Hagen made for me for Valentine's Day.

First of all - holy flippin' smokes, that lady has got some pull. TEN TIMES my highest ever daily traffic came through the site yesterday. That is blowing my mind. Still. And secondly, that means that if any of you happened to stick around, you know nothing about me. So, because my mind is completely elsewhere this morning AND because you don't me, I think a "my favorite things" post is fitting. If you visited because of Ms. Grace's tweet, thanks for stopping by. If you visited because you know me and you like me, also thanks. I like you, too.

My current list of favorite things

1. Annie's Organic Cheddar Bunnies. For real. That's where it's at.

2. This nursery design. I'm not currently decorating a nursery, guys. So quit it with the assumptions. But it is perfect! That chevron light fixture is seriously a DIY waiting to happen. And that ottoman! For heaven's sake.

3. This phone picture. Yesterday as Dave and I drove to dinner we could not stop talking about the sky. The WHOLE sky was impressive. Not just the sunset part. We tried to take panoramas on our phones because we're Hagens and that's what we do. This is the image I got.

4. Straw Heart Project love. I know, I know, I said that a couple days ago. But it's STILL one of my favorite things. I've had several people offer to help on projects in the past couple days and that is huge! Without volunteers, this won't really work. So if you're thinking of volunteering to help with a project, let me know. I promise I won't make you do something you really don't want to do, like the "turn to your neighbor and tell them you're thankful they're here" part of church on Sunday that no one enjoys but we keep doing it anyway.

5. This Food Passport by the cool ladies over at Spotted Fox. It's a little bit of an issue with me and my friends that we eat at the same 5 places over and over and over. When my parents come to town, I generally convince them to eat places, "because I really like it, but the HBC doesn't really so we never get to go there." (HBC is what we call our neighborhood... we realized a few months ago that we all think "C" stands for something else. I think it's crew. Some say community. Whatever. To each his own, I suppose. We eat most meals together. Like... several a week.) So, I suggested to the matriarchs of the HBC that we make a food passport to encourage us to branch out.

6. This light fixture. What's my deal with light fixtures today? I think this is totally DIYable too. Gorgeous.

7. Super amazing handmade watches that I posted about over on SimplyTooMuch. Go check them out. They will floor you.

What are some of YOUR favorite things lately?

He's Kinda Cool I Guess

I asked Dave to take a few pictures of the Valentine's gift he made me "so I can show everyone how awesome you are" and he said, "right. Because THAT'S what your blog needs more of."

So because it has been mentioned by several people that maybe I talk a bit too much about liking my husband (you're welcome, Dave) and because he gets a little bit embarassed by that kind of thing, I'm going to keep this as non-flowery as I can.

I came home from work yesterday and Dave was almost finished building this.

Be still my heart. He had remembered this post and decided to get to work on the headboard while I was out. It was such a great surprise and the end result is beautiful. A perfect Valentine's gift from my handsome Valentine. And that's all I'm going to say. Even though I wanted to say more. See? That wasn't too flowery?

Um, Thanks.

I've mentioned a few times how much I love Google Analytics. I can track blog stats and readers and all that fun stuff.

Here are some things I learned from Google Analytics, I have had visitors from 6 continents, Tennessee and Missouri are my top two states for readers, followed by West Virginia (shoutout to Kelli, Brittany, and Amy!), most of the people who read this blog click through from facebook, and that the love you friends showed me last Friday was actually very very much love.

Several of you passed the word along about Straw Heart Project. You put up links on facebook and twitter, you sent me encouraging words, you showed an interest that I wasn't expecting. You tripled my normal blog stats. TRIPLED! Just because you cared about what I'm doing.

This weekend, I went to a youth camp for girls and we learned about love. We talked about loving others well, loving ourselves well, and the love God has for us. The night we discussed loving ourselves well, the speaker (my friend Ellen) said, "we tell lies to ourselves over and over. The things we think about our lives are not always true. When you find yourself believing a lie, replace it with truth." The lie I keep believing about myself is that I can't do Straw Heart Project. That I'm not good enough or focused enough, that other people won't care about it, and I'll be trapped into doing it all on my own and the whole idea will fail because I don't have what it takes to keep it afloat.

Those are lies. The truth I had to see was that you, friendly blog folks from 6 continents, really cared about what I was doing. You believed in me enough to tell your friends about it. You liked my idea enough to say, "This is a great idea. I can't wait to see the work you do." I was in tears several times on Friday and this weekend because of the words of encouragement you sent my way.

I get sappy on this blog pretty often, I know that. And I know that some of you are probably sick of the serious posts and want me to get back to writing about whatever ridiculous things I think of (i.e. Garth Brooks) but I HAD to tell you thank you. Thanks for your support and encouragement over the past few days. Thank you for reading my blog when it's normally filled with nonsense (i.e. Garth Brooks) and for coming back to see what else I'm up to. This little space started as a way for me to keep friends and family updated on our lives in Tennessee. It has turned into so much more than that. It's therapy. It's encouragement. It's a way to make new friends; it's an idea springboard.

I love that. And this sounds super-incredibly cheesy, but I love YOU, blog readers. Thanks for making my Friday the biggest blog day ever and the biggest boost of encouragement I could never have imagined. I rather like you folks.

Straw Heart Project

This has been a very unique few days. A great few days, definitely, but quite out of the ordinary.

Wednesday, if you said a prayer for me, it totally worked. Thank you! The whole day was filled with encouragement and what felt like purpose. It was so good. So good in fact, that I want to finally tell you some more about this whole "nonprofit business" idea I keep hinting at. Right now I haven't taken the steps to becoming a business - I'm just in the "let's do this and see how it goes" stage. Which is a very fun stage!

The name of the thing is Straw Heart Project. This is our logo.

Our purpose is raising money for families who are in the process of adopting. We're raising money through different creative projects, and that's basically it. Easy right? I'm starting small - one or two families at a time, doing what I can to help them bring their kids home. Creative projects can be anything from making necklaces to sell, to holding an art fair, to hosting a benefit concert. Lots of ideas in this ol' head of mine.

Several months ago, I had the opportunity to create coloring books, tote bags, and t-shirts for a family adopting three kids from Haiti. It stirred something up in side of me that I can't ignore. So now, here I am. Plowing forward with Straw Heart Project and doing my little part to bring families together. Because, for heaven's sake, why not?!

Also... if you're an artist, writer, photographer, graphic designer, musician, dancer, painter, or creative person of some sort and you want to be a part of Straw Heart Project, email me! I'll always be looking for creative people to help with new projects. And if you're a family who is in the process of adopting a child or children and you're looking for fundraising projects, shoot me an email at strawheartproject@gmail.com because I WANT TO HELP YOU!

God has paved the way big time for this little idea of mine, and I cannot wait to see what He does next. Again... thank you all for the prayers this week!

Overhaul

My art studio is in SERIOUS need of an overhaul. Mr. Hagen was in a pinch for some rubbermaid containers, so he raided my closet. Did you know that raiding a closet tends to empty all closet contents into the middle of the room? Because evidently, that's the case.

I have a super-duper ugly dresser in my room that is beyond being fixed with a can of paint and some new knobs. The first time I saw the dresser I thought, "No way." But there it was, being hauled into the back of Dave's truck. I've really had a problem with it ever since but was at a loss for what to do with it. I saw this image on Design Sponge and thought, well this may work!

I'm thinking I'll put the ugly facade of the dresser drawers underneath and leave the blank wood up top. Maybe I'll paint the top then - that could work. And then I was thinking about the empty shell of the dresser with no drawers. (I've used "ugly facade" and "empty shell" in this post already. It's starting to sound like an emo song.) And I thought, "I'll bet Dave could put some plywood or something in there and make an open faced storage unit." And guess what, that would DOUBLE the storage! DOUBLE IT. Now... to have the time and motivation for this project.... I'll get back with you about that.

Prayer Requests

I'm popping in to say hello on my coffee break this morning because I had a super busy weekend that didn't involve much blogging. Or any. One of the things I got to do this weekend was an event called The Movement set up by high school kids who are starting to raise awareness for orphan care in their high schools. Amazing and inspirational. I'm so proud of those kids (I know a few who are involved) and what they're doing. It helps that I'm riding an adoption and orphan care wave right now as well, and this upcoming week is exciting for that very reason.

This week is a big week for me for a couple of different reasons, and I just wanted to let you know in case you'd like to say a prayer for me. I've got the day off of work on Wednesday, and I crampacked it with meetings and non-work working and brainstorming sessions and all sorts of things to that effect. All sorts of things that I'm filled to the brim with excitement about.

I'm praying that God will take my tiny seed of an idea and grow it into something awesome. I'm praying that bits and pieces of things in my life that haven't always made sense will finally fit together. I'm praying that I'll be able to make my thoughts come across well and make sense to other people, and I'm praying that I won't be discouraged and blocked by my own self-doubt. Join me, if you're the praying type. I could really use it on Wednesday!

An Unbreakable Bond

The interesting thing about Garth Brooks... well, wait a second, I shouldn't say THE interesting thing about Garth Brooks. Because do you remember Chris Gaines? What a mess. That might be THE interesting thing about him. But the thing I was going to say first is also interesting. It's this: even people who don't like Garth Brooks like to sing along to Garth Brooks. They get excited when they hear that low grumble, even if they really don't like the song. Amazing. How does that work?

image from Google

Last night, I was at a concert in Nashville that I will hopefully blog about soon, but while we were waiting for the show to get started, "Friends in Low Places" came on overhead and I got FAR too excited.

I do have lovely fond memories of listening to that album as a kid in my room. Playing "The Thunder Rolls" on repeat and trying to get my elementary school girl voice to get as low as Garth's, which realistically is impossible but it's still fun to try.

Even though the nostalgia of that song is fun for me, it's something more. It draws me in. I was surprised when I didn't hear everyone start in on "Blame it all on my roots..." and I still feel that I should allow myself to not feel guilty over the level of disappointment I experienced when I was the only person I heard singing. Slowly but surely, more and more people began to confess their love for Garth and his magical powers. You could hear people singing all around the venue once the chorus started in.

It was like we all shared this moment, unified in our love of cheesy, twangy, country gold and that bond can never be broken. We should have held hands and cried after.

Simply Too Much

Just a quick little note today and a friendly hello. Hello, friend!

I finally let my new blog out into the world last week. I've only got a handful of posts up, but I hope you'll stop by and take a look. It's a totally different feel than Rest On Me... which is fun for me. I like to switch it up, you know.

The blog is called Simply Too Much and it's a little more professional (or something). I'm hoping to update it several times a week, and I'd love for you to check it out.

As a side note, I got the trench coat in the mail that I mentioned in one of the posts... and it is glorious. GLORIOUS.

Blizzards

While it's currently blizzarding in my home town of Camdenton, Missouri, it's 54 degrees here in Nashville. They're calling for up to 20 inches back home. I'm sure the ice and snow will cause some power outtages, I'm sure that driving anywhere will be impossible for a while, and I'm sure that Wal-Mart was a mess yesterday as people prepared to be stuck at home for a week. But do you know what? I whole-heartedly wish I was there. There's something perfect about a day stuck at home.

Some of my best memories are during snow days. (Or snow weeks, as we had living on the farm.) One week when I was in the 5th or 6th grade probably, we were snowed in. I remember very little about that week other than the fact that I found some drifts that let me fall into the snow up to my thighs, and that we played about 7000 rounds of Rummy. I don't remember any sibling fighting or any "being totally bored." All I remember is being home together and it being awesome.

Fast forward several years to when Dave and I were dating. I would have been a junior in high school. He had been over watching movies with my brother, Steve, and I when the snow storm hit and was trapped at our house overnight. Dave and I decided to skate up to the gas station at the top of the hill to get some much needed Mountain Dew and sunflower seeds, I'm sure. But that walk up to the top of the hill at 11:00 at night in the fresh snow and ice... it was magical. We slid up and down the street while the snow was still falling. It's still one of my very favorite memories with Dave.

Why is snow so awesome? And why is it not snowing in Nashville? And why am I not home with my family playing Rummy?

Risky

There's kind of a strange thing happening around here. By here, I mean me. I'm going to use a lengthy metaphor here, so I hope I don't lose you. Not that I think I would lose you, I know you're all very smart folks and things like metaphors aren't necessarily that complicated. But really... it's lengthy.

So, you've heard the phrase, "when God closes a door, another one opens." Right? Well, I've been pacing around a windowless, doorless room for about two and a half years. I keep assuming a door or window would appear and i'd casually run for my life out of the door. It kept not happening. A week ago today, I had some friends pray for me. I was at the end of my windowless,doorless room rope and I needed some back up. And wouldn't you know it, a door appeared on Tuesday. Out of the blue. The door is still shut, or maybe open a crack, but there's a door. Wednesday, it opened just a crack more. Thursday, a window opened wide up. But there's this door still. And I'm awfully interested in this door. But the window. GUYS? The window seems like so much fun too.

So basically I'm trying to figure out if I can squeeze through the window, or if I should take my chances on this door.

Speaking in code wears me out.

TwentyTwo

Yesterday I was chatting with my extremely talented friend Lillian who has taken all my headshots (like I'm sooo glamorous) and I mentioned to her that I probably need new pictures since my face is so much slimmer now. That's kind of an excellent problem to have, right? So that got me thinking that I should try to weigh myself.

I have been working really hard on being healthy. You know this if you regularly read this blog, or follow me on twitter, or are facebook friends with me... or real life friends also, I suppose. I've cut out some of my favorite things to eat and drink (Dr. Pepper), I've starting eating things that were never on my radar before this year (quinoa and kale), and it's been a struggle on and off. There were a few days tucked in there in which I hated the whole process.

But here's the thing. Last night I weighed myself for the first time in months. TWENTY TWO POUNDS, I have lost. You guys! TWENTY TWO! Can you even believe that?

It was such a fun surprise to see that I'd lost that much weight, because honestly losing weight wasn't my goal. Of course I would have welcomed that side effect, but being healthy was what I was after. I wanted to be in control of what I was eating and not letting that junk control me. I wanted to be able to see an ice cold fountain Dr. Pepper in front of me, and choose water instead. I wanted control of my own life. I didn't want my own irrational eating patterns to tell my body to stop functioning properly. I was sick of being dictated by my food choices.

If you have never had an issue with overeating, emotional eating, weight and self-image, etc.... that whole former paragraph probably seems like an exaggeration. But I really do mean all of that. It was out of control. Absolutely out of control. I work with a health coach who has been great. Just the right amount of encouragement and push. This is going to sound like a PSA, I'm warning you, but if you feel like you're not in control of your food like you think you should be, I really recommend Eleanor Haddad. She has helped me change the way I feel about food, the way I understand food, and the way I feel and understand myself. That's a big deal, no? Also, TWENTY TWO POUNDS. Gone.

Hopeful

There's a fine line between obsessing over something that may be unhealthy, and allowing yourself to think about that something. I went a long time in my life assuming that any negative feelings I may have had were automatically bad and should be ignored. This was all me, by the way, it's not something my family does that has scarred me for life. My mom is so great at saying, "hey, I noticed you don't seem like yourself. Is something going on?" It's one of her greatest traits, in my opinion. But I still always had an overpowering urge to stifle any hurt or sadness. Turns out, that's not always healthy. Who'd have thought? I'm still learning this, slowly but surely.

One of those things that I still have an urge to totally ignore is my infertility. I'm trying to find the balance between obsessing day and night over the fact or ignoring it completely, letting it fall to the back of my mind. I like not being reminded of it at every moment. I really like hanging out with the wonderful neighbor kids without thinking, "why can't I have sweet kids like this?" And I like feeling... normal (in my mind there exists this magical thing of 'normal' that I don't quite understand, but it really seems exciting) most of the time.

And then I have moments where I think, "as soon as I get pregnant, I'm going to throw a huge party and I'm going to decorate it like this, and have this type of cake, and we're going to announce it like this..." and my mind goes to a really exciting and hopeful place, if I'm doing the thinking right. If I'm not doing it right, I watch a movie about a woman who has a baby and I'm in a funk for three days because it just hasn't happened yet and that makes me really sad. So what's the difference? I've got no clue.

So, in the excited and hopeful stage I'm in right now, I am mentally planning the big announcement party that I throw when Dave and I find out we're going to have a baby. This could be four years from now, but I'm still excited. And I really feel like that's an ok place for me to be. I could be wrong, of course. I've been wrong about my own mental health many times before. That's surprising isn't it?!

I'm excited that I might someday be able to sit down with a friend and say, "hey guess what. I'm going to have a baby." And I'm excited that someday I'll be able to sit with a friend going through something as painful as infertility and say, "I know exactly how you feel. I'm here for you." And I'm excited that I can someday sit with my child, whether natural birth or adoption take place, and say, "do you know what? I wanted you SO much. More that you will ever understand, and I waited and waited for you to get here because I already had a heart filled up with love for you before you were even born."

And if that's not the healthy kind of thinking, I'm not sure what is.

Maybe Pajamas are the Problem

I have no internet at home these days because I'm not what you would call "a smart shopper" when it comes to things like that and I have no interest in shopping for the best prices and service. I much prefer hitting up the clearance racks at Gap and buying red corduroy pants and the most beautiful skirt and top in all the land. But no internet sort of makes my blogging schedule a little sporadic (as you may have noticed). Until I can learn to type entire blog posts from my iPhone, or AT&T implements a clearance rack for internet services, I'm stuck to disorganized updates.

Sometimes I like to imagine that I'm the type of gal who will go sit at the coffee shop three nights a week, tiptapping on my laptop and getting things accomplished. Then I think, "I don't wear dresses often enough to be that type of gal," or I think, "they're probably just playing Farmville or something and pretending to work." So, you know, I don't go.

Last night when I got home from work, there was a package waiting for me. Contents: all my free time for the rest of forever. Mario All Stars, Super Mario Kart, Donkey Kong, etc. So yes, I changed into comfy clothes and sat down on the living room floor and did this for 2 hours.

It's hard to sit on the floor in a dress. So, it makes sense to me that if I had more dresses, I would blog more. Right?

Phone Fun

There's an app I was recently turned on to called Adobe Ideas and it is changing the way I use my phone. It's no longer just a facebook and twitter machine. It's also an art machine. Or "art" maybe is more accurate. If it's in quotes, it's less commital.
Ok, and seriously, if this doesn't make you laugh, the 45 minutes I spent creating it were a giant waste.

Irrational Fears

As time goes on, I begin to realize that things I'm afraid of aren't the same things other people are afraid of. The incident that got me thinking about all of this was a couple days ago outside one of our favorite burrito places. Dave saw a concrete flower box and decided he needed to jump onto it from a stand still without using his hands. It was about thigh-high I would guess. The first time he jumped, he barely touched it with one hand. Tried again, used his hands again. Third time, SLAM. One shin busted open.

DID YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING?

Well, the whole time Dave was practicing his feat of daredevilry, I was standing back with my hands on my face, shaking my head no. It was as if I was watching him bungee jump without an actual bungee. I was scared to death. For good reason obviously, as he now has a big gash and a knot the size of a ping pong ball on his leg. (Though I have a lovely cell phone picture of it, I'll spare you the sight.) But for the most part, my "oh no. This is not going to end well. This is a disaster; we're all going to die because you're doing that" instincts are incorrect.

Here are somethings you probably didn't know about me: I'm afraid to wear headphones in public because it makes it easier for people to sneak up on me. Sometimes when I get in the elevator, I stand in the very corner facing out because I'm afraid I somehow got into the elevator without seeing someone and they'll startle me when I realize they were in there after all. I cannot be in a pitch black room with other people because they might bump into me or worse... THEY WILL SNEAK UP ON ME. Do you see a trend here? What's the deal? Was I snuck up on a lot as a child?