Power

Preoccupied is probably a good word for it. Maybe lazy, maybe boring, maybe busy? Whatever you name it, it is the same thing. It's an empty blog. Sorry things have been so quiet this week. I just didn't really feel like I had much to say. But today I kind of do.

I had ONE difficult day this week in regards to all the non-pregnancy stuff and I've been thinking a bit lately about my purpose here on Earth and how I'm not sure I have one. Like maybe I'm not meant for something really. Which I wholly believe isn't true, but sometimes you have those days, you know? Where you don't feel you're getting to use your talents or your interests except for a few hours a week? And surely God wouldn't have given me this heart and this mind if all I was supposed to do was doodle on a note pad while I'm answering phones at a desk job or just visit other people's kids now and again but not have any of my own. Surely I wasn't meant to be where I am. But this sounds like whining to me, so let's move on.

Even though I had those heavy thoughts lately, they didn't pull me under like bad days sometimes do. They didn't grab hold and seep their sticky sadness into the rest of me. And that got me thinking about the fact that I have really been in a great place lately. It's been a long time since I've been dragged down by depression. Like... longer than I ever remember going before between bouts of sadness. Like... over a year maybe. And friends, I cannot tell you how excited I've been by this realization. Progress maybe? Hormonal changes maybe? Diet and exercise lately has helped, I'm sure. Maybe I'm just growing up.

Sure I have bad days now and again like I did this week, but they don't seem endless. And they don't seem so absolutely insurmountable. And they don't seem all encompassing. They feel like something I can handle. The amount of thankfulness I feel about that can't really be described to you. I can tell you that I'm tearing up as I'm writing this because I'm so overwhelmingly full of thankfulness. I can tell you that I want to hug the neck of Christ and jump up and down with Him saying, "thank you, thank you, thank you!" over and over like I'm 8 years old and He's just given me a new pink bicycle with sparkles on the handlebars and a little basket in the front for keeping dolls and treasures. I can tell you a lot of things about the way it makes me feel, but I won't do it justice.

When I was putting together this blog post, I was looking back through some older blog posts about my history of depression and I saw this post about a sense of peace and contentment I had exactly this time last year. And then when I read the last paragraph of that post in October 2009 I wanted to tell the world that prayer is a mighty warrior when you don't feel like standing up to fight for yourself.

So I guess that's what I came here to say today. I had a bad day. I'm doing fine. Prayer works.

About the Man

A while back, I posted a lot of random things about myself so you could get to know me better. Today I'm doing that again. Except it's about my husband, whom you really should get to know.

- Timely: Dave refuses to admit that he is sick when, in fact, he is sick. His voice is about 2 octaves lower right now and he can't breathe through his nose. But he is. not. sick. dadgumit.

- He's one of the hardest workers I've ever met. He doesn't ever complain about working 90 hours a week. I work 40 and I'm all like, "ugh, I never have any time to do fun stuff. I'm always at work!"

- He's very proud of the shape of his fingernails. He likes, "how they go all the way to the edge."

- He can sing the whole Ninja Turtles rap by Partners in Kryme.

- He WILL sing the whole Ninja Turtles rap if it comes up in conversation.

- He loves to ruin a picture by being ridiculous. These ridiculous pictures make the world a better place.

- In the morning, when he is half asleep, he loves to talk about the weird dreams he's just had. His half-asleepedness turns each explanation into a 10 minute long far too detailed description of each specific part of the dream.

- When I was in middle school (before Dave and I knew each other very well) I had 3 dreams that Dave rescued me from different things. 2 tornadoes and one flood.

- He's a super fun uncle. One day he'll be a super fun dad.

- Mr. Hagen really enjoys a good cliff to jump from. He's quite the daredevil.

- One year he got a remote control plane for his birthday in November. At the beginning of December he asked for a remote control helicopter. Because a helicopter is so much different than a plane.

- He LOVES his career in the music business. He's realized some pretty amazing dreams in the past few years, he's had some pretty crazy schedules, he's worked with some really cool people, and he's learned a lot. His passion for his work makes me proud and excited for him. And jealous, but we won't get into that here.

- He knows the quickest way to make me angry. And he uses it because he thinks it's funny. It is not funny. But sometimes it IS funny. He's the only person who can make me laugh by making me mad. It's not fair play.

- When he's bored, he starts little projects and obsesses over them until they are finished and working correctly. We are the same in that.

- We do NOT work well together on little projects (staining fences, for example.) Sometimes we forget this and work together on something. Quickly we remember.

- He lost his wedding ring in the lake a couple summers ago and spent an unhealthy amount of time at the bottom of the lake looking for it. So long that his ears became swollen and sore for a few days because of all the pressure change. He never found it.

- In the middle of the night, he sometimes talks in his sleep and says really funny or really frightening things. Like, "why are you here?" or "spoon with me."

- He can eat so.much.food. Especially breakfast food. He loves the fact that IHOP has unlimited pancakes, eggs, and hashbrowns for $4.99. He would love to tell you about it if given the chance.

- He's always wanted to adopt, but I didn't know until we were in Haiti and he casually brought it up.

- It's hilarious to watch him try on a pair of shoes at the store. I can't even explain it other than, he's very thorough in his trying on.

- Best snuggler ever.

- He reads my blog. Love you Davie! All your rotten obnoxiousness, all your goofy faces, and all your other stuff.

The Wild Woods

Saturday we took off toward Montgomery Bell State Park for a small camping trip with friends. The weather was absolutely perfect, the trees were just at their peak of changing, and the mix-tape was excellent (if I do say so myself.)


We did some hiking, some sitting around the campfire, and the tiniest bit of fishing. Which was mostly watching our 4 year old friend do the fishing since he's the only one that didn't need a fishing license.

Sunday morning I woke up to this beautiful view. I just sat still in my sleeping bag staring up at the trees and the open tent top for a good 15 minutes. It was amazing. I tried to stitch several pictures together to get a good picture of the whole tent top, but it came out a little strange.

I think I'm ready to go camping again. Who's in?

Fall Staple

Every year around the middle of September, I start to think about the pumpkin patch. And by "think about the pumpkin patch" I mean "obssess about and talk non-stop about the moment when I will be AT the pumpkin patch."

When I was younger, we'd go to Rombach Farms. My great-aunt and uncle owned the farm and pumpkin patch just outside of St. Louis and going there each fall was a serious treat. We'd sit in the giant pile of pumpkins and get our pictures taken, we'd go through the field and pick out the biggest, most perfectly shaped pumpkins we could find, we'd walk through the barns and drink hot chocolate. Magic, I tell you.

Though I haven't been back to Aunt Maggie's farm in a while, I still get the itch to go to a pumpkin patch every year. Since living in Nashville, we've been to Gentry's Farm in Franklin each fall. I'm fairly certain that I'm the most excited to go every year out of all the kids I've gone with.

These are my friends, the Griffins. They're awesome. Maybe even more awesome than the pumpkin patch. Maybe.

Early Fall Jams

It's PLAYLIST TIIIIIME!

My pictures from the pumpkin patch this weekend haven't been uploaded yet, so I'm posting the other fun I had this weekend. My playlist!

I make 2 playlists per season. Like, "early summer" and "late summer" and this is Early Fall.

Works well with the windows down on an evening road trip out the studio - it's been tested.

Enjoy!

1. Victim of Circumstance - She Bears
2. For Us - Pete Yorn
3. A Million to One - Autovaughn
4. Coney Island - Good Old War
5. Begin Again - Farewell Flight
6. Something In the Water - Brooke Fraser
7. Love You Strongly - Amy Stroup
8. Crushes - Andy Shauf
9. Static Waves - Andrew Belle
10. Sun Hands - Local Natives
11. Go On, Say It - Blind Pilot
12. Break Me Out - The Rescues
14. The Guy That Says Goodbye - Griffin House

My New Favorite Things

Today I'm feeling a short and sweet blog post. Friday Favorites. Just a list of a few of my new favorite things.

1. Quirky nail polish colors. I am a whole-hearted lover of all colors, but when it comes to nail polish I'm normally a pink-only gal. This new color on my fingertips thing is really growing on me, though.

2. Something In the Water by Brooke Fraser. The song is catchy, the video is cute. How can you go wrong?

3. This amazing little boat automata found on Etsy.

4. The smell of the heater kicking on again this fall. Am I the only person who loves the smell of newly revived heater?

5. This post on twitter from my hilarious husband:
If it's true that beards are hip and my clothes aren't, then I'm only a hipster naked. Don't picture that. Sorry if I cause a brother to stumble.

6. The fact that my little sister, Christina, is up to #4 (as I type this) in a battle of the bands with over 500 other bands. She's super duper talented, and totally deserves every single vote. (VOTE FOR HER HERE!)

7. Seriously every single thing in this shop. But especially this print.

8. The words of encouragement I've received over the past couple of weeks. I've had the teensiest little struggle with feeling like I have a purpose. But, I have been flooded, flooded, with kind words about this little blog space and my artwork. Thanks, to those of you who were a part of that. I want to hug you.

9. Knowing that I'm going to the pumpkin patch this weekend, which is one of my very favorite places to be. THE PUMPKIN PATCH, Y'ALL!

10. This quote by E.B. White: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

Have a great weekend! Enjoying the world or making it better.

Playing Dress Up

In a few (hopefully short) weeks, I'm heading down to Texas for my brother's wedding/Thanksgiving/beach vacation.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I had brought my entire family to the store with me to find a dress for the wedding. It was 7:23 and the wedding was supposed to start at 7:30 across town. The whole family was mad at me because I hadn't found a dress yet, and I was wandering the store crying. I was saying things like, "I can't afford the dresses that I liiiiiike" and "these aren't even in my siiiiize" and it was all very stressful, as I'm sure you can imagine.

So the next day I began my hunt for a dress for the wedding. Which then turned into figuring out what I'll wear the whole time in Texas. Mentally packing, if you will. Which then turned into an all-out Polyvore fest. Which became these:

Do you think 5 weeks early is too early to start packing?

8 Days a Week

Ok, actually only 7. But, for some reason a title for this blog post escaped me and that's all I could think of. You've heard over and over from me that I get ideas in my head that will.not.leave. until I make them. For about 3 weeks I've been desperately needing a trip to the craft store to get balsa wood. Well, I made the trip, and immediately got to work on this nagging idea.

A calendar! I saw some birch desk calendars online here and thought they were the cutest things. Then I was introduced to Lisa Rupp a couple days later and fell in love with her art. Her designs have a very similar feel to my designs, and I thought, if she can do it... I should at least give it a shot! So I did. This one is for my own personal use... so I created some designs that are very similar to hers. If I were ever to sell a balsa wood calendar, I'd obviously create new designs. I was just desperate to complete this project and get it out of my head!

I love it. I can't wait until January when I can start using these little pretties!

Oktoberfest

Saturday was Oktoberfest in Music City. Oktoberfest means beer and lederhosen for a lot of people. I don't actually care for beer and I don't have the figure to pull off lederhosen. Though after seeing several people wearing them this weekend, I can quite confidently say I don't want to. It's just not a good look, you know? This guy made it work, though. I think the wind-up monkey helps.

When nearly all of your friends have children, you end up standing in line for pony rides instead of lines for beer. I much prefer the pony line; there is considerably less f-bomb and considerably more giggling. It pays to be friends with parents.

And instead of the normal sauerkraut and bratwurst treat that many people were interested in, I treated myself to a Sampson's Darkest Dark truffle. Ok, maybe 2. I found a new Nashville crush. His name is The Cocoa Tree. I'm not generally a sucker for sweets, but truffles make me weak in the knees. And cheesecake. And Dr. Pepper. But generally I'm not. I'd love to go back and try Hazel's Salted Caramel and Julie Anna's Orange. TRUFFLES, guys! Alright, I just had to get that out of my system.

Birdy

I've been in the early fall clean, organize, purge mood that I have every year. Something about fall makes me nest. I flit about the house setting out bits of old junk and piles of books and I decide that my house is just the greatest thing and that I should never ever leave.

Because I don't have much to say today, as I've been entirely too sleep deprived (nightmares about shopping! did you know that was possible?) and I don't have much time for blogging right now, I'll just put up some pictures of my home. My homey little nest that I love dearly.

I've got my fingers crossed for some more nesting at home time this weekend. What about you?

#13

I am forever shrinking in comparison to my two younger sisters' awesomeness. Their awesome is way up high and getting higher with things like, "is in a band" and "not afraid of motorcycles" and my awesome is teeny tiny somewhere under, "loves post-it notes" and "cannot whistle."

When they were visiting a couple of months ago, we had decided that we'd each get a tattoo of a locket somewhere on our selves with the two other sisters' initial inside. WELL, I was luckily saved by the tattoo shop we went into and I didn't have to publicly chicken out. Thank you tattoo shop for your ridiculous prices.

But awesome little sisters that they are, those two monkeys still want their locket tattoos. Emily, the youngest of all four kids in the family, just got her tattoo this week. Can you even believe that? Don't you remember her coming home from the hospital? Do you remember when she had all of her top 4 front teeth taken out and was the cutest little toothless thing until years later? Do you not recall all of that? Because I do. And the thought of that sweet little itty bit with her stick straight hair and her non-stop energy getting a TATTOO just makes me want to cry a little.

I mean... she IS grown up now. See?

But now she's even more grown up because she has a TATTOO.

I sketched out some ideas for the three of us while they were here. Different locket shapes and letter styles and level of detail, etc. I figured we'd kind of combine aspects of them and each pick whichever one suited our fancy the most. Emily is a traditional, simplistic gal when it comes to design. Christina is very forward thinking and a bit edgy, and I'm somewhere noncategorial. Kind of bohemian and cutesy. Is it possible to be both of those things? Well, this is the design Emily chose.

Which means.... drumroll please.... that I designed a tattoo. I have permanent art in the universe. That's just very cool to me. So cool, in fact, that I put it on my Project Life List a while back as #13. So that's TWO things I've checked off the list now, friends.

With Much Rejoicing and Fanfare

You may recall the disaster zone that was my craft room. I posted it last week. You probably threw up.

Well, my friends, I'd like to present to you: the current state of my craft room.

TA DAAA!

I think my mom summed up the way I clean nicely yesterday when she said, "I know HOW you clean. You clean for 10 - 15 minutes and then you discover a picture that needs scanned and put on facebook. Or you discover a piece of wood that would make a WONDERUL wall decoration.....or a little piece of ribbon that you have been looking for.....I say poohoo with cleaning! Create! Love! Laugh! Paint! And this philosophy is why we Herzogs laugh a lot, make music, color each other's hair...and live in incredibly messy houses! Paint that on your piece of wood and hang it in the craft room!"

I actually DO want to put that on the wall. "Laugh a lot, make music, color each other's hair and live in incredibly messy houses." I love it. And that's precisely why it took me three days to clean that mess. I found 156 pictures that needed to go in a new album. I found a box of all my old "Dave" stuff and sorted through that for an hour and a half. Movie ticket stubs from 2002, playdough rockets, dried leaves, barnacle covered clam shells, receipts from hotel stays... mostly junk, but all meaningful junk. Which, you may have guessed, is my very favorite type of junk.

And speaking of that husband of mine.... this is the light box he made for me. In action, nonetheless!

I had a miniature breakdown yesterday about the chaos of my life. How I feel like I'm never home doing nothing, that I've packed too much into my life, that I can't breathe, etc. (This weekend was an exception - I had loads of wonderful free time this weekend.) So I played hooky from the pottery class that I love so much. I sat in my craft room and organized my junk. Physically and emotionally.

In the Works

You may recall that I was impacted greatly in Haiti last spring. GREATLY. It changed my life forever in so many ways. All for the better. One of those ways was the huge eye opening experience that propelled me to become not only interested in adoption, but craving it, trying to soak in every word and experience about adoption that passes my way. A fervor for it that hasn't yet been restful.

I am an infamous "what's next" thinker. I have all the passion in the world for a few days and it slowly flickers out over a couple of weeks until I have left is "remember when I was totally into..." and hope for something new to take root. I'm so thankful that hasn't happened with adoption. If anything, I want it more now than I did when I stepped out of the orphanage and into the plane heading back to the US. I get emails from adoption agencies that I requested information from. There are pictures of children awaiting families in the emails, and every time I hit the delete button, I want to cry. I have, on occasion.

Because Dave and I don't feel we're ready to take that step just yet, I feel like I've been living vicariously through some friends of ours who are adopting from Haiti. They are adopting three children from the very orphanage we visited in Port au Prince. THREE! ALL AT ONCE! We couldn't be more thrilled for them. And not just any three kids. Two of the boys they're adopting, I have met! Frantz is a firecracker. He's got spunk and sweetness oozing out of him at all times.

Junior is every bit as sweet. He was afraid of my crutches and my walking boot, as far as I could tell. He would eye me every time I hobbled into a room he was in and would walk wide circles around me. The last day we were there, he sat by me outside and my heart was filled up with love for him. I was so happy that he had chosen to come to me, because I knew if I had approached him with my injury, he wouldn't have appreciated it. We tried to communicate through our language barrier. I muttered, "razè" and pointed to my foot and Junior nodded while reaching out to touch the black plastic boot. I had tried to learn the word for broken, because many people had asked if my leg was sick. I wanted to assure them that it would heal because they had seen so much from the January earthquake that would not heal.

And the oldest of the three siblings is Monique. Monique was still living on the streets when the Colsons made the decision to adopt Frantz and Junior. When the adoption ball began to roll, Monique came to live with her little brothers at the orphanage. Doesn't she look so fun and kind? I can't wait to meet her! Adoptions are not without cost. They can be very expensive.

I'm working on a coloring book to help the Colsons raise money for their adoption of these three beautiful children. Another idea that I had been dreaming up was a tote bags that we could make to sell as a fundraiser, too. Last night I finally finished up the first draft of the tote bag and I kind of love it.

I know that your heart for the Colsons, the orphanage, adoption, and Junior, Frantz, and Monique is not the same as my heart for those things. But I would like you to consider donating to their adoption fund. Can you imagine a better way to spend $5? $20? $1000? Hopefully soon we'll have coloring books and tote bags that you can purchase. All proceeds from those will go straight to the adoption costs. For now, you can just plain donate, or you can purchase a t-shirt and donate that way.

Here's the link to their blog where you can find donation information, the t-shirts that I designed, and information about the kids. http://colsonjams.blogspot.com/

Magical

This weekend was a little bit magical. The leaves started to blow off the trees, the sun was out but sweaters were on anyway, and Dave had Saturday and Sunday (basically) off work! Can you believe it? Saturday morning when I woke up, he was just crawling back into bed after working the early morning shift. From then on - the WHOLE WEEKEND he was home. See? Magical.

Because my words can not do justice to the great weekend we had, here are some pictures from time spent together and with good friends.

I'm pretty sure this picture will make me laugh for the rest of my life. That's a good thing to have in a husband, I think.

Guilty

Once upon a time the craft space in my house was organized, it was decorated and lovely. The loveliest of rooms. There was a place for every tiny notion. All the little scraps were tucked neatly into drawers and teeny suitcases. I even have documentation that such loveliness truly existed.

Here's the post about my craft room where you can see said documentation.

Now... if you are prone to fainting, or shouting profanities, or harming small animals, I'd suggest going ahead and leaving the blog now. Don't continue to the next little bit here, because whatever is inside of you that is prone to such things is also the part of you that will feel such an intense level of guilt over the harm you caused after seeing the following picture, that you will be unable to face me in person for fear that your rage will surface again. This is the current state of what was once a very, very lovely room.

How much art do you suppose I am able to accomplish in here? If you supposed, 'none' then your supposing skills are spot on. I can't even walk into the room.

I honestly had good intentions when this room started meandering toward this degree of chaos. I was getting ready for a garage sale and a binge and a reorganization. About 3/4 of the way through, magically the above mess happened. That cardboard box on the right is garage sale stuff. That cardboard box on the left is all trash. That broken TV right at the bottom of the picture is my husband's fault. I sure wish I could blame more of this on him.

My ONE GOAL this weekend is to work on this room. I've asked Mr. Hagen to move the broken tv and the trash box today because he's much stronger than I am and I'm hoping my size 8.5 feet can squeeze their way into the room after that. I have high hopes. I accomplish things when the weather is nice. I am positive that I'll enjoy having space to let my creativity flow and produce.

I'm totally guilty for creating a mess, and I'm hoping sometime next week I can prove that my room is capable of loveliness again. I wonder if I can clean with my fingers crossed.