Answers. Maybe.

Yesterday morning I had a follow up appointment to chat with the doctor about the blood work they ran last week.

As soon as my doctor came into the room, she had a big smile on her face and said, "I think we can help you!"


Relief.

Everything she said after that was pure encouragement. She told me about steps towards my health and possible relief for the fertility issues I've been facing. She was positive and helpful. I'm so thankful for that.


It seems that my body is producing too much insulin. I'm not diabetic, but they'll put me on the same type of medication that diabetics often use. On top of that, I'll be on a pretty strict diet and exercise plan. The foundation of which is no simple sugars, very few carbs, lots of greens. I also need to be REALLY active at least 5 days a week. That's the hard part.

When you sit at a desk for 8+ hours a day, and try to leave time in the evenings for blogging and such, it leaves a quite small window for the rest of life, ya know? Considering I have about 20 minutes of being at home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from now until Christmas... that means maybe exercising on the weekends? YUCK. But I have a real goal. An awesome goal. A baby goal. So maybe I'll be able to find the time.


The medication they want to put me on should help regulate my insulin production. But it's most likely going to make me sick for two or three weeks. After the initial introduction of that stuff into my body, I should be able to stomach it. UNLESS I eat something high in sugar. Then I'll probably get sick again. I suppose that's motivation to eat right. Plus, there are some healthy foods that I just cannot get enough of. That will help. Like this little guy. This is my good friend, Okra.



The doctor also offered to provide another prescription that would boost fertility and is a very common prescription for women trying to conceive. We opted for skipping that medication now while we just wait and see how the first plan works out. But when she was explaining it to us, she said, "Now, this medication does increase the likelihood of twins." Dave got a panicked look on his face. The doctor smiled and said, "twins can be a really great thing." Dave's response was, "Yeah. I suppose if you're getting them into acting..."


So basically, the appointment went really well. I was thankful to have Dave there with me, I was thankful that the doctor had concrete things to tell me. Answers. At least for this point in the game. I'm hopeful and encouraged. And that's never a bad place to be.

Cooking Challenge

Two things. 1. I am in a cooking funk. I've not made real food in a long long time. 2. I need to invent more recipes for my Project Life List #3.

I may have mentioned my love for all things food on this blog before. I love food. Grocery shopping, meal planning, chopping, cooking, going out to restaurants, food styling (yes, that's a real thing) and eating. Obviously. Eating and cooking are stress relievers for me and I'm trying to break the eating as a stress reliever thing... so cooking it is! And one thing I absolutely love is inventing new recipes.

We had a band (Abandon Kansas... check them out; they're really good!) staying with us for a few days a while back, and one night I decided to invent some sort of stuffed jalepeno, and make a jicama salad on a whim (I had never even tried jicama before.) Luckily both inventions turned out well... I've had my fair share of food disasters now that I've become more gutsy in the kitchen.

I've put a few quick and easy recipes on here before. You can find them by going to the bottom right side of the blog and clicking "recipes" under the "categories" heading. I would LOVE to beef up that category.

(I really did not intend that beef pun, it just happened. It's in my genes. My dad walked around all day at Sea World when we were younger saying, "I see the manatees... but where are the womanatees?" You see? I've just been conditioned to ooze pun.)

So I'm trying to think of some new recipes to post. I cook mostly in the fall and winter for some reason and need a little August cooking boost. I eat out nearly every meal in the summer. All cheap food, which normally means all kind of terrible food. Thankfully there's a Mexican hole-in-the-wall place just up the road from us where Dave and I can both eat for $9. How do you say, "WIN" in Spanish?

So, I'm looking to you, internet friends. What recipes do you want to see? Is there an ingredient you're dying to use but you don't know how? Did your doctor tell you to eat more greens, but you really REALLY hate greens and now you need to find recipes that hide them (not that I know anything about that...)? Have you tried 100 times to make cheesecake or omelets and it just isn't working? I'm trying to eat better for myself, so healthy-ish, but still tasty recipes are what you will get most likely.

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert. I thought frozen chicken patties and instant mashed potatoes made a nice sit-down-dinner through the first year of being married. But I do watch a lot of food network, and I do have kind of a knack for cooking and recipe inventing now, in my opinion.

Here's a GREAT healthy summer popsicle recipe to try before you start commenting with your food questions and ideas.

Blackberry Orange Pops

- 1 package of blackberries

- 2 oranges, zest and juice. (the zest is the outer bright part of the peel. here's more info if you need it.)

- 1 tsp of vanilla extract. I have really strong vanilla - you may want to add more if yours isn't strong.

- about 1/4 cup of cranberry juice. I used cranberry-pomegranate because cranberry is a bit too strong for me. Get the juice with no sugar added if you can find it like that. (I admit it is harder to find and a bit more expensive, but the fruit has enough sugar and the zest of the orange really gives it some sweetness.) You can leave the juice out completely from this recipe if you want.

Puree all the ingredients and pour it into popsicle molds or little plastic cups if you don't have molds (free plastic shot glasses from a friend who works at a restuarant work really well if you cut the bottom off of one and tape it to the top of another, as pictured above.) Or put it in ice cube trays and use the cubes in some lemonade! I just thought of that and will be trying it as soon as I get home.

Ok - comment below if you have a recipe question, or if you just want to challenge me. Or, comment on the facebook or twitter link that sent you here. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

The "I" Word

I visited the doctor twice this week. Wednesday morning I went in to talk about the questions I'm having and hear about some possibilities for why I haven't been able to get pregnant yet. Thursday morning I went in for a follow up exam and quite a bit of blood work.

I wasn't really nervous going into it like I assumed I would be, and I know the prayers going up for me had a lot to do with that. Thanks so very much, if you were one of those praying people. I didn't really even get overly emotional about it. Until my doctor said Infertility.

There's a lot packed into that word. It doesn't mean sterile, thankfully... but it's still a little jarring. Some good friends have been asking about the appointments, and I normally say, ‘fine’ or ‘okay.’ I haven't been able to digest it all yet, I don't think. My emotions are little on edge, but I'm also a bit numb to it all. I'm not sure how those things coexist within me, but I assure you, they do. It's like I'm on a bicycle, coasting down an easy hill. There are people on the side of the road telling me to enjoy my ride, and I am. But every once in a while I see a pebble in the road and then I just know it's going to send me careening over the handlebars, and I have a small breakdown before I go back to coasting. It’s something sort of like that.

For my whole life I’ve been waiting to start a family. For about a year I've been waiting for a positive test. For another week I'll just sit and wait while my blood is tested. When those results come back, hopefully we can begin to get me started on hormone treatments or insulin blockers or whatever else science has figured out to help women become pregnant. And then I'll wait for all that to work. Lots of waiting, but I believe that my plan and timing for my life aren't always the best things for me. I don't always feel that way... but I do believe it. For now I just have to watch out for pebbles and hold on until the ride is over.

Short and Sweet

We didn't have much time together this time around. Just one and a half evenings. But sister time is always a good thing. Even in small packages.

This is Emily's "ok, I'm smiling... take the picture" face. Isn't she cute?

And this is Christina's "that camera is really close to my face" look. Also just so cute!

The pictures on the left were taken in the summer of 2003. The pictures in the middle are from summer 2008. The ones on the right are from summer 2010. I feel a tradition forming.

Customer Service

I feel that tooting my horn is a little necessary right now for you to really get the context here.

I am awesome at customer service. Seriously. If someone calls me and has the wrong number, I sometimes Google the place they're trying to reach in order to give them the right number. Sometimes when we do our yearly surveys through the office, people will make additional comments at the end that say things like, "Ms. Hagen was encouraging and helpful. Outstanding customer service." (literally) It is my best trait as an employee, hands down. The people I work with agree.

Ok, horn tooting done.

Yesterday I talked with someone on the phone who was worried about the package we sent to him. He didn't have it yet, so I offered to find the tracking number and contact our shipping company, which is totally part of my job and nothing out of the ordinary. The shipment was on time and was scheduled to be delivered to him today. Which I told him. He sounded a little more aggrivated than he should have, but it was fine.

Today he called me just before lunch to say he didn't have his package yet, to which I responded that the shipping company sometimes won't deliver until afternoon depending on your place in their route, but that I had confirmed the tracking yesterday and the shipment looked like it was on time and in route. And yes, this is all boring, but here is the notable part.

He said, "what is a tracking number, anyway?"
I said, "basically it's just a number that's assigned to each pa..."
He said, "NO! Listen for a minute! I'm going out of town tomorrow! I need this package today!"
I said, "..."
He said, "give me the number."
I did.
He said, "I'll do it myself."
I said, "ok."
He was silent.
I was silent.
He hung up.

What the heck was that all about?

So I took my lunch break early and blogged about it because that's how I relieve stress. It kind of worked.

The Magical Disappearing Weekend

This is a pretty common Friday occurrence. "Hey Steph. You look really lovely today. Cute dress. What are you going to do this weekend?" "Oh thanks, I got it on sale. Tons of stuff! I'm going to clean and go grocery shopping and build a birdhouse and finish my laundry and learn to play ukulele and take my husband to a movie and pen my memoirs...." as I walk teetering into the sunset.

And this is Monday, “Hey Steph. What’d you do this weekend?” “Oh... you know. Went out to eat every meal with my neighbors, watched movies on TV, took 4 naps…” as I smile uncomfortably, hoping they don’t remember my Friday plans.

I did sort of clean the bedroom. And I sort of did a lot of laundry. And I did get a couple of things from the grocery store.

Don't believe a word I say on Fridays.

Friday Sun and Song

I got very little sleep last night. I was awake on and off for the last half of my allotted sleep time, so I'm a bit hazy. I'm hopefuly, as always, that the weekend will remedy that.

I have plans to overhaul my bedroom this weekend (which consists of doing obscene amounts of laundry) so it matches my newly totally awesome living room. I want to actually sew the pillows that I've had sitting in my craft room for about 6 months and decorate the wall above the piano... I'm itching to try one of those collection walls that are really popular right now. They're just a mishmash of inspiration and lovliness, different frames and art styles and shapes, basically a wall installment example of what my soul tries to be. I'd also really like to drag Dave to the drive-in to see two completely cheese-ball action movies (The Expendables and Predators... basically a film example of what Dave's soul longs to be) and hopefully do a little bit of sleeping and dancing tucked into all that fun.

This song makes me want to open the blinds, turn on the ceiling fan and dance around the living room all weekend. Please do watch it. Or at least listen to it while you're checking your emails. Happy weekending, friends!

http://vimeo.com/11691174 - Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, "Home"

Too Excited to Stop

PIIIIAAAANOOOO!

That's how I felt yesterday afternoon. I arrived home to a small trailer in the driveway and could not contain my excitement at the contents. One piano and one piece of toast, which was hilarious to me in my giddiness. I kept saying, "Dave. There is a piece of toast in here. Isn't that funny?" I guess he didn't really think so.

I immediately went inside and started what I can only describe as nesting. I thought, "ok... this wall is where I want the piano. So let's clear a path from the door to this wall." And yes, sometimes my house is so cluttered I have to clear a path. Then I thought, "ok... now that this wall is clear, what do we do with this stuff that was moved?" And then we moved that stuff. And we hung up old artwork that hadn't been hung, and I accessorized a couple new areas that "needed" accessories. And then we moved more stuff until the whole room was rearranged. I cleaned off the kitchen table clutter and the coffee table clutter and I dusted our awesome new-to-us/VINTAGE WOODEN THEATER SEATS! that Dave got me for an anniversary gift from a fun little salvage shop downtown. I said to Dave, "Dave. Do you see this house? We're real grown-ups! Isn’t this cute?" But I feel like just saying you're a grown-up probably makes it not true. He replied, "weird." And we moved on.

In my excitement of cleaning and organizing and making room for my new things, I ran around skipping from one project to the next. At one point, I dragged our yellow armchair from one end of the living room to the other and got distracted halfway through, leaving the armchair in the middle of the room while I piled up some books on the coffee table. How is it possible to be so easily distracted that while dragging furniture across your house, you forget what you're doing? Decorating high. That's how.

Then I decided to vacuum. We do not have a vacuum, so we often go looooong periods of time between finding one to borrow. It's gross. But, a vacuum was borrowed and I vacuumed. That's how much I love my new piano and my new theater seats.

The Life List - Part ONE

On my list of very favorite people that I've never met, Erin Loechner of Design for Mankind is somewhere at the top with Jemaine Clement and The Little Mermaid. She started documenting something recently called Project Life List that's well... exactly what it sounds like. Some people call them bucket lists these days. Make a list of the things you want to do, experience, or accomplish in your life. Then do them.

Because Erin's list is so much fun and so inspiring (seriously, check it out,) I'm making one too! Some things on my list are going to be easy to accomplish. Some will be a challenge, but hopefully worth the challenge. I've been working on this list forever. For some reason it's awfully difficult for me to remember this kind of stuff when I'm sitting at a computer. So, here is the first half of my Project Life List:

1. Sew myself a dress that is functional and flattering.
2. Give someone $1000 that really really needs $1000.
3. Invent 100 really tasty recipes and remember to write them down.
4. Understand my camera.
5. Take a picture of my feet in every pair of shoes I own.
6. Be very afraid of something - and do it anyway.
7. Return to Haiti.
8. Learn again how to hula hoop.
9. Doodle an entire white wall with black Sharpie's.
10. Write a book/ get published.
11. Successfully plant and maintain a small garden.
12. Bake a pie from scratch.
13. Design a tattoo for someone. (Not for myself.)
14. Have a career that I'm proud of and encouraged by.
15. Build a dollhouse.
16. Take a road trip with my sisters.
17. Kick debt firmly in the rear.
18. Throw a costume party.
19. Build a fort.
20. Inspire someone.
21. Name my first daughter Adeline.
22. Learn Creole.
23. Volunteer on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition or for Habitat for Humanity.
24. Create a really fancy table setting for a holiday party.
25. Complete a coloring book.
26. Take a summer vacation with my husband. Just us. (Can you believe we've never done that?)
27. Get my wedding photos printed.
28. Write and Illustrate 5 children's books.
29. Learn to drive a stick-shift.
30. Ride a Ferris Wheel at night. Preferably holding cotton candy.
31. Start a family tradition.
32. Start a non-profit organization.
33. Climb a tree.
34. Have lunch with either the Little Mermaid or Erin Loechner.
35. Adopt.
36. See the Northern Lights.
37. Attend a concert at the Ryman.
38. Ignore the voice of artistic failure.
39. Learn to love mornings.
40. Choose a tree from the forest, chop it down, and put it in my house for Christmas.
41. Have the occasion to wear a really fancy, old-timey hat.
42. Convince my husband to do photo booth pictures with me. His current reaction to my suggestion is blantant refusal.
43. Participate in a flash mob.
44. Be in a room filled with balloons.
45. Cover my cul-de-sac with sidewalk chalk art.
46. Go up in a hot air balloon.
47. Trust better.
48. Give a puppy as a Christmas gift. Red bow around the neck, obviously.
49. Reupholster the vintage armchair I bought at the flea market.
50. Figure out 50 more things for my Project Life List.

I'm really excited about my little list here. If you decide you want to make one, let me know. We can be PLL buddies. Or pals. PLL pals sounds better, right?

So I Cry at Movies

Even comedies. There's something about the story and trying to make it real for the 2 hours I'm watching that gets to me.

Juno, for example. Dave and I snuggled up on the couch one night to watch Juno. We had heard that it was really clever and funny and that we'd enjoy it. LITERAL SOBBING ensued. If you don't know, that movie is about a high school girl who gets pregnant and gives her child up for adoption to a woman who is infertile. I mean, c'mon, guys! FUNNY?! I really had a hard time with that one. Dave looked at me at the end of the movie, me with a red splotchy face and swollen eyes, he half-smiled and said, "oh Steph. This was supposed to be funny."

The first time I cried in a movie was around age 10... watching Harriet the Spy. That may seem totally ridiculous to you, because it really seems ridiculous to me. The only part of the movie that I can even recall is the sad part. Poor Harriet gets bullied at school a lot, and at one point a group of girls dump paint all over her. It's so very sad, as far as I can remember.

My mom talks about watching the movie Riding in Cars With Boys, starring Drew Barrymore with me. We were in the theater, and she thought one part was really funny and looked over at me and I, of course, was crying and she didn't understand what was so sad. I don't actually remember this scene or anything else about the movie, but I believe my mom. I think I was about 13. Hormones, anyone?

So yesterday Dave and I decided to go see Karate Kid at the second-run theater down the street from us. All movies are $1.50 so we go there often. There's a scene in the movie where Jaden Smith (who is so so cute! Like, if anything happens to Will and Jada, I call dibbs on his adoption, cute) is hiding from some seriously mean kids, he's in a new place, he doesn't have any friends yet, and he's telling his mom he doesn't want to live in China anymore. LITERAL SOBBING, friends. I was a complete wreck. I kept thinking about myself as a kid, at a new school with no friends, sitting by the corner of the fence wishing someone would ask me to play. It's a rough thing to be young. But I just wanted to see a cute movie, not take a trip back to the root of my insecurities... man, Karate Kid.

Friday Was Interesting

I'm kind of clumsy. You know, the type of clumsy where sometimes you're casually leaving a Laundromat and you inexplicably fall in a parking lot and sprain both ankles, and break and chip one of them, too? Right. That type.

So Friday evening I was at home waiting for Mr. Hagen to get home from the studio. I grabbed a quick snack of almonds and orange juice and plopped down on our giant bean-bag (called the Supersac) to watch a little Food Network before Dave got home.

Now, there's something you should know about the Supersac. When you kick it and punch it and flip it over, it becomes very large. Probably 4 feet tall. This is the most comfortable way to use the Supersac. It creates a nice little nest that's so very comforting and cozy. I love the nest effect. I like to keep the things I need on hand at the top edges of the nest. My phone, the remote, the nail polish, the puppy (when we had one), whatever it was I needed on hand.

So Friday, the phone and the remote are propped nicely above me on the nest and I'm eating my almonds and minding my own business when 'zip' the phone slides down the nest directly into my cup of orange juice. Completely submerged. COVERED top to bottom. So, obviously, I panicked. Because I have an iPhone. And they're kind of expensive. And we kind of don't like to spend money on things like that. And in my panic, I whipped the phone out of the cup and knocked the remote down the nest slide. 'Zip' into the glass of orange juice. In frustration, I jumped out of the Supersac (which actually requires a great deal of muscle) and of course, spilt the juice. Onto my favorite blanket. And onto the Supersac.

Because I'm from a lake town, I know the first issue of business when you drop your phone into the lake (or orange juice) is to put it in a bowl of rice. I wiped as much juice as I could off the phone and plopped it into a bowl of sushi rice, popped the batteries out of the remote and stuck the end of that in the rice also. And then sat patiently for Dave to get home to fix the mess I had created. What good are handy husbands if not for fixing the electronics you broke?

So, he did. The remote works. The iPhone, um, sort of? works? I can receive calls and texts and can even respond to the calls and texts if I do it right. But the home button doesn't work, and that means I can't switch between functions without turning the phone off and back on. So whatever is happening with the phone now is a temporary fix and Mr. Handy Hagen will be taking the phone apart again very soon.

Moral of the story: maybe the nest isn't the best option.

Five

This picture was taken 5 years ago on our honeymoon. It's one of maybe 3 pictures from our honeymoon that actually turned out, and I'm so thankful it did. I love it.

Dave,

I was thinking yesterday about me accidentally saying, "I love you," when I meant to say, "my arm hurts." Maybe that means I'm sleep deprived or slowly losing my mind. But I think it means that there's so much love inside me for you that it just seeps out unexpectedly.

I love hearing you laugh at stupid TV from the kitchen when I'm making dinner. I love the way you are always smiling when you walk into the house after a long day of work. I love that we argue over things that don't matter but that we are almost always in sync with the things that do matter. We started as best friends, and we're still best friends.

Thanks for opening all my jars and popping my back with your bear hugs. You're my very favorite.

Happy Happy 5th Anniversary!

HOR! SES!

In 11 days, my mom and my sisters will be in town. This makes me so very very happy. In honor of their upcoming arrival, I've been thinking of some of the funny things that have happened between us all. Inside jokes mostly. Like yelling, "HOR! SES!" or "spider-puppy." Things that make absolutely no sense to most people, but immediately send us into fits of giggles where we just all take turns saying, "we didn't haaaaaave any ketchup" through our laughing tears.
These two ladies are hilarious, they're talented, they're beautiful, and they're my little sisters. Lucky lucky me.

Pottery

I've been taking a pottery class for several weeks now. We've only got two classes left until the next session starts up in the fall. And I'll probably sign up for that class too because I just feel like I'm kind of getting the hang of it.

I love being able to think, "I want to make a really big pitcher" and then a couple hours later, I've made a really big pitcher. Of course it takes a while for the firing and the glazing, etc. etc. but the basic thing is there, and that makes me happy.

Last night I picked up my first finished piece. It's a teeny little bowl. I started with braiding some long straight pieces of clay, then made a scalloped design on top of that, and then finished it off with all these handmade buttons. I was in a bit of a hurry to finish painting on the color last week so I could finish it up before class was finished... hence the sloppy paint job. But do you love the bowl? I do.

Here's a picture of the inside. That little button is not attached; it's a happy accident, in my opinion.