Last Week

I'm back in Nashville. I was welcomed this morning with cold rain, traffic jams, more than one work crisis (which I am getting back to as soon as this little coffee break is over) and I'm desperately trying to ignore this funny little throat tickle.

It's alright though, because my vacation was perfect. It was a complete blast. Time with family, fun activities, beautiful weather, a new sister, beach, and time with Dave (which is a rare occurrence this year.) It couldn't have been better. I mean that.

Pictures will come. Lots and lots of pictures. I promise!

Dance Party!

Something happened when my alarm went off this morning that hasn't happened in a long time. I woke up.

I know. Weird, right?

I was WIDE awake. Almost jittery with anticipation. Because today is the first day of vacation! Dave and I fly out of Nashville around 4:30 today and we'll be in Texas by dinner.

This space will probably be a little bare next week, but who knows, I may post a picture or two.

Two Years!

Today's my blog anniversary. My blogiversary. Thanks for checking in with me over the years. (Ha. Like it's been SOO long.) It's weird for me to go back and read through old posts. I hadn't quite found my voice yet, as they say in the writing world. But here it is! My voice! The one where I say "kind of" and "super" a lot and I use far too many commas.


Do you know what I'd really like for my blogiversary? I'd like you to leave a comment telling me how cool you are. I mean, I already know how cool you are, but if you type it in the comments section, everyone else can see it too. Example: "My name is Steph - I'm cool because I used to hate salad and I taught myself how to love it." Or "Hi, my name is Dave - I'm cool because I'm married to a lady who taught herself how to love salad." See what I did there? But really, its so easy and it would SERIOUSLY make my day. Please note: Google Analytics tells me how many people look at my blog. And where they're from. (twilight zone music inserted here)


And lastly, as a super-awesome-one-of-a-kind-blogiversary-bonus (I'm really not enjoying the word blogiversary at this point) I'm going to give a CUSTOM PAINTING (like the one below) away to a random commenter! So, why are you cool? Get crackin'!

My Hope

I'm feeling a little gross today. Upset stomach, really sleep deprived, and a tinge cranky. But no need to worry, friends. Because yesterday was great.

I help lead a 9th grade girls Bible study at my church and last night we talked about the fact that each person who believes in Christ has a story to tell. We get caught up in trying to fit in or trying to lay low and we forget that the story we have to tell is important and life-changing. We encouraged the girls to share their personal stories about when they first believed that God was God and how their relationship with Him started.

Almost all the girls have shared at this point. Just two or three of the 14 are still holding out. A couple of them have brought me to tears. A couple of them have made me laugh (in a good way, of course) and a couple of them have challenged me to rethink the way I'm doing Christianity. Because these girls have been so willing to share their stories, I decided that today I'd tell you the greatest story I know.

I was practically born in a church. My dad was a youth and music minister and we were in the pew rain or shine, sickness or health, day and night. We even sat in the same spot in each church we attended. Third row back from the piano.

I have always been a rule follower. It was easy for me to obey and to do what was expected and I was always the kid saying, "You’re going to get in so much trouble!" My life of following rules was an easy transition into walking down the center aisle at church to learn about how to become a Christian. My parents and the pastor explained to me what that meant. I believed every word.

God is holy -set apart. He created man and woman in His own image, but Adam and Eve went against what God had planned for them. Their sin broke the bond we had with God and sin deserves death. Because life outside of Christ is a terrible and hopeless thing and God knew that when He made us, He wants us to live for Him. Every person from that day forward has sinned and so every person from that day forward deserved to be separated eternally from Christ by going to Hell. That's a little heavy, right? The God who created the universe also put eyelashes on me. He wants me to know Him because He's awesome. If I refuse to know Him, I'm going to suffer for it and He knows that and wants us to choose Him. Because God loved me in a way that still doesn't make sense, He sent his son, Jesus, to earth to act as a bridge between our sinful lives and His complete forgiveness. Jesus was 100% God and 100% man.

As a kid that didn't make much sense to me, and honestly it still doesn't make sense. But my mind is finite, and I'm okay with not understanding everything. What I did understand was that Jesus died a terribly painful death. He was tortured and beaten because the love He had for me was so incredibly powerful that He chose to die - to take my place - because He wanted me to be with Him in Heaven after I die. His death gave me life. And do you know what happened after He died on the cross? He came back from the grave. For real. He was alive. People didn't believe it, but it was real. He told them to tell their friends and they did because it was... well... shocking, I'm sure. But also because it was a relief. His life and His death and His resurrection from the grave are exactly what had been promised to us. His death saved us. His death saved me.

Isn't that ridiculous? ME. I do some really awful stuff. I'm still a rule follower for the most part... but I am rotten. Rotten to the core. I'm judgmental and I'm selfish and I ignore Him most of the time. I go through life like I don't need Him far too often. But He's still completely in love with me. That sure doesn't make sense to me either. I'm very unlovely at times and He's still jealous for me. Because I believe that I'm a sinner and that my life is nowhere near complete without His love and forgiveness, I am trying to live a life in relationship with Him. I've accepted Him into my life and I'm forever saved. I can't lose that. He won't go back on His word. I've been washed clean by His grace.

I've been washed clean by His grace.

It hasn't always been easy. You can read about how NOT easy it has been here. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life is perfect. It means life is hopeful.

All the really awful stuff is temporary. The stomach aches and the sleep deprivation too, I suppose. If you want to know more about being a Christian or if you want to share YOUR story with me... I would SO love to hear that. Shoot me an email (stephhagenart@gmail.com ) or leave a message in the comments section. I promise I will really listen to what you have to say.

Losing It

I just laughed out loud at a noise I heard from the construction project upstairs because I imagined a person making that noise and the look "she" had on her face while making it was hilarious. It's a slow and interesting decent to crazy, friends.

Yesterday I dropped a banana pepper, 2 peanuts, and a dime under my desk. What I found when I finally got down there (the banana pepper was the tipping point. a dime and a couple of peanuts aren't too gross. a banana pepper really warrants a small tidying up.) was a nickle and three paper clips. And that's it. THAT'S IT!

And because everything is better in sets of three: I created 3 new iPhone hobbies in the past 3 days. That's one per day, if you're counting.

But I do believe that being slightly crazy gives me more credibility as an artist. So there's that.

Tesskus

That's how my youngest sister, whom I will see in one week(!), used to pronounce Texas. And taxi was taski and ask was aks. And when she was little bitty, she had no front teeth for a very long time after a terrible porch step accident and she cut her own bangs way too short and got a really awful Dorothy Hamil/scarecrow haircut. Oh what a sweet hillbilly baby she was. She totally made up for that though, because now she's super gorgeous. Also she's graduating high school this year. That's weird.

Anyway. Texas. I'm leaving in a week. A WEEK, GUYS! It's kind of all I can think about. And by kind of I mean it's ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. So to prepare myself for the journey ahead, the Tuesday list (as started here) is all about my packing list for Texas. Packing lists are a family tradition started by my grandpa on my dad's side. My dad does them, and now I'm carrying on the wonderful tradition.

Things to pack for TX:

A New Twist on Christmas Crafting

Every year but one since we've been married I have decided to make all my Christmas gifts. I spend a great deal of time and effort making things. I call it Stephanie's Christmas Workshop normally, and it's very festive and fun and I really do love making things for people. I really really love it. But this year I think I decided to not make my gifts.

I KNOW! It's hard to believe.

But what I AM doing this year, is crafting all sorts of lovely handmade Christmas decorations. I have ideas for ornaments, little table decorations, fun garland additions, etc. etc. etc. and I've never had the time to make any of them because I'm busy making gifts. I've finished a handful of ornaments already that I'm super excited about showing to you. So this year, I'm opting for store bought gifts and homemade decor. I'm unnervingly excited about it. (Though... shoot... I just realized that the only gift I've purchased so far is for my lovely mama. But also I made something for her a couple months ago that I forgot about. Well, mama, looks like you get two gifts this year!)

And before you all get your panties in a wad because it's ONLY NOVEMBER 15th and I'm skipping Thanksgiving and corporate America is the devil for trying to jump from holiday to holiday and the world is coming to an end because someone mentioned Christmas before November 26th, let me say this: It takes a long time to make as many decorations as I've got floating in my head. I need a whole month. Ok? Fine.

So here's my round-up of inspiration and things I plan to make. Sources for the ideas are below each picture. Also... all the Christmas decorations I bought on clearance last January are brown, gray, white, red, and a little dark green. Very traditional looking. I'm planning to stick to that color scheme.

Source

I want SO MUCH to hang that red coat and that little deer on my tree. Aren't they the cutest?

Source

Source

Source

Source

Hobbies

My husband is the one who takes all the pictures. He read the camera manual when we bought it and now he's all, "shutter, aperture, ISO" and I'm like, "why is this picture so wiggly looking?"

He spends a lot of time in the studio (maybe I've mentioned that before?) so almost all of his pictures are of studio stuff and holy cow does he like taking pictures of studio stuff.

Because I've been sketching like a madman for the past few days, I don't have much of my own to talk about. So here are some of Dave's pictures. Pretty talented guy, right?

This one is one of my favorites! Why do I love blurry pictures so much?

The Magic Friend-Maker

Two things. 1. This is not a blog post looking for coddling or fishing for compliments. Really, it's not. It IS a blog post trying to explain blogging to people who don't "get" blogging though. And 2. I have some secrets.

The first secret is this - I am fairly socially awkward.

I can't carry on conversations sometimes. I can't make new friends as well as I'd like. I'm quiet, I'm shy, I'm pretty self-conscious sometimes, and every once in a while I feel like I have nothing worth-while to say. I most definitely am not going to spark an interesting debate or reach out to someone in a public setting.

But the cool thing is my blog kind of does that for me. My blog has proven to be a conversation starter on more than one occasion. People who normally wouldn't come up and start conversations about infertility can. Or people who see me across a room can come up and say, "hey, I saw on your blog that you like to paint! Me too! I like to paint too! Let's be friends!" The blog gives people a reason to get to know me when they normally wouldn't have a reason. I like that. It takes a little social pressure off of me.

My second secret is this... this little space gives me confidence. Once a day, I get this chance to put something into the world that I've spent time on. Something with too many grammar mistakes and strange sentence structures. Something that I care about. And sometimes, shockingly, other people care about it too. For someone who has struggled very much in the past with self-worth (and who is getting better day by day), having 5 or 30 or 50 blog visitors a day is a very, very cool thing.

Some people think that last sentence (and blogging in general) is about ego. Some people do see my blog as egotistical, I suppose. But for me, the few paragraphs a day I send out into the world is not at all about ego, but about telling myself every day that some people do care about me. It's not to stack up compliments onto a healthy confidence, but to build up a foundation where once there was a very unhealthy hole. As pitiful and cheesy as that may sound, it's true.


So thanks, if that's you. Lovely, faithful blog reader. Thanks for helping me get up out-the-hole.

Things That Go Together List

So, it's Tuesday. It's time for random list making!

pretzels + coffee

yellow + gray

ADD + twitter

plaid + fall

denim + lace

chocolate + hazelnuts

moss + stone

you + me

glitter + color

mushrooms + everything

4:00 + weekdays

college-ruled paper + lists

soup + garlic (not fully pictured)

It's About That Time

Sneaking up ever so slowly (or not so slowly if you watch TV or go to the store or listen to the radio...) is The Holiday Season. Obviously that warrants uppercases.

Last year, Mr. Hagen and I negotiated a fantastic treaty that includes me getting a real tree this year, which I've been begging for since we got married. Also, we have a fireplace and I bought buckets full of 75% off Christmas decor last year. Those things combined have really got me itching to start Christmassing up the house. But I won't. I will ignore the stacks of wonderful Christmas music and the containers of garland and lights and I won't start making holiday snacks yet.

I won't.

Really, I won't.

But with all the gusto I can muster (that phrase is just asking to be put in a dance song) I plan to prepare for The other Holiday Season. Thanksgiving falls between Halloween and Christmas. Did you remember that? Because I think Wal-Mart forgot. My Thanksgiving will be different this year and I'm really excited about the whole week. Air travel, hotels, Cracker Barrel, beaches, new dresses... basically just a lot of awesome things.

And there's really no point to this blog post, but as I just discussed with my mom, most blog posts really have no point anyway. So there's that.

Random Observations for the Weekend

Friday brain is very similar to scrambled eggs. So today's blog is very similar to a breakfast platter... random things put all together in one place.

- All I want to do this weekend is sleep, watch movies, cook, and relax.
- The idea of the heater being on in my house right now + the fact that Dave is home until lunch = I very much want to cuddle on the couch under a blanket and take a nap.
- I'm shrinking. My diet and exercise plan is going well... my pants are all too big.
- It's only seventeen days until I go to Texas! Three cheers for a sweet beach wedding, a new sister, dress up clothes, and vacation!
- I wanted to put a swing in the living room, but my husband "logisticsed" me out of it.
- Bluegrass and fall are soul mates.

- In an act of some weird male solidarity thing, my husband and the guys he's working with this week have decided to all sport mustaches while they're tracking bass guitar.

- It's a good thing my husband has been getting home after dark because I don't particularly enjoy the "solidarity 'stache."

- The music business is a strange bird.

- Hurricane Tomas is about to hit Haiti and there are 1.2 million people living in tents. Tents don't hold up well to hurricanes, I'd imagine. Pray for Haiti, please.
- This Sunday I'll be attending an adoption/orphan care picnic at church that I'm really excited about!
- The next Sunday is an adoption fundraiser where we'll be selling tote bags, t-shirts, and coloring books all designed by me to help these nice folks.
- The two instruments that I like the most: piano and ukelele. My two least favorite instruments: harpsichord and accordion.
- My two new obsessions: sunflower seeds in salad. Lots and lots of sunflower seeds in salad. AND Kings & Queens "Queen Elizabeth Sugar" body butter. I put it on my hands and just sniff my palms all day long.
- Apparently guests who bought the former lotion from Target also bought bicycles. Hello Kitty bicycles to be exact.
- I need to stop rambling.

The Idea Bank

I have about 400 life-changing ideas a month. I always think, THIS IS IT! THIS is the idea. And a mind-racing obsession begins. And I think and think and plan and think until I get stuck or until I have another life-changing idea.

So I had another one. But I really mean it this time.

This idea is actually an idea that puts my too-many-ideas issue to use. (Are you sick of the word "idea" yet? Because this is only the beginning, folks.) This idea is one that supports all the things I love, works with my past and present passions, and even (believe it or not) turns the things I'm not good at into an asset. Doesn't that idea sound awesome? Well you're right. It is.

Because I don't want to release this idea until it makes complete sense and seems like an actual possibility, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I need help with it, so I've told a few people and I needed to talk it through a bit before it made complete sense. So I've been doing that this week.

What I can tell you is this: it's a non-profit organization idea. I've wanted to start a non-profit organization for years and the sudden collision of several of my life-changing ideas recently led me to this one, all encompassing, idea. Starting a non-profit is even on my Project Life List (#37)! Right now I know nothing about starting a business and that's the scary part. I know a little about running a business but that's about the end of my expertise. But even with that in mind, I feel motivated, hopeful, and inspired.

Sorry if that's too cryptic of a post. I hate it when bloggers do that. But it's on my mind in a big big way and it's all I can think about today.

Surprise!

This week marks the anniversary of my first date with my husband 8 years ago. That first date was a group trip to the Elk's Lodge to play Bingo. A few things I remember about that date: 1. Courtney won 2. I sat across from Dave and 3. man that room was smoky.

In the 8 years since that date, I've tried to surprise Dave with all sorts of different things. He figures it out every time. Which really sucks all the fun out of surprises.

As a small celebration of our first-date anniversary, I planned a fun surprise for Dave. One of our favorite bands from Missouri, Ha Ha Tonka, is from our college town. We've talked a few times about the fact that we wish they'd come to Nashville, but they never had. When I realized that they were finally coming to Music City AND that it was the same week as our first-date anniversary, I immediately snatched up two tickets. Interested tid bit: Ha Ha Tonka is also the name of the state park in between my childhood house and Dave's childhood house (about 10 minutes apart) that we've driven past about 40 million times. Nostalgia all around!

So about a month before the show, I asked the Mr. to leave work early that day because I was planning a surprise. Mwaahhah. He picked me up and we made our way inside Exit/In. Rocky Votalato was the headliner, so even as we were entering the venue, Dave didn't know why we were there. When we got inside, Dave saw "Ha Ha Tonka" scrawled next to the guest list. SURPRISE! It totally worked.

It's My New Thing

If every thing on Earth had a fan following, I would be voted President of Super Fans for the "lists" Fan Club. I like lists. I like them in poetry and lyrics, grocery lists, to do lists, packing lists, etc.


My friend Lillian, who is mentioned on this blog so often she needs her own category, tipped me off to this site with the cutest ever daily journal pages. And you'd think with how excited it made me that I was also the President of Super Fans of Daily Journal Pages with Parts to Color and Silly Doodles. And I printed two copies so I could go ahead and do them all in one afternoon, but I also could do one per day, like one is supposed to do. And then THAT site lead me over to THIS site that just happens to be doing a list thing every Tuesday that convinced me that I needed to start making this blog more awesome by adding lists and doodles and parts to color every Tuesday as well.


So, here we are. Run on sentences later. And sentence fragments later. Lists and Doodles and Parts to Color... it's my new thing. I'd like to do one per week. We'll see. I don't normally participate in things other blogs are doing every week, but I think you know how I feel about lists. On the list of members of the Super Excited About This Fan Club, I'm like junior vice president or something.


Here's the first page.

Youth Camp

Friday evening I packed into a bus with 200 high school kids and went to youth camp. Cool things happen at youth camp.

Like zip-lining.

And serious messes.

And spending time praising a really cool God.

And bedtimes of 3 am.

And dance parties. Lots and lots of dance parties.