(Re)Decorating

Before "Craftacular" I bought, found, or had plans to repurpose all the items necessary to redecorate my living room, dining room, kitchen, and bedroom. I am an artist. I have unreasonably lofty goals. I make decisions on a whim with no strategy of accomplishing end results. I know this about myself, and am taking steps now and then to finding sanity. I've got enough fabric for about 12 pillows. I have a beautiful and soft Thomas O'Brien duvet that I found on Target's after-Christmas clearance for $32 (the most expensive item purchased.) I have a set of five mostly finished paintings and supplies for three more. I have picture frames, ideas for accessories and homemade light fixtures, and I've yet to use any of it, with the exception of the duvet. Which I opened immediately upon arrival at the house and made my bed for the first time in years. YEARS. Because that's how beautiful the duvet is. That was in January.

Last night, my friend Amanda and I were helping the famous Ms. Lillian reorganize and purge in her master bedroom. Which honestly, ended up being more talking and fun for me than work, sorry Lil and Amanda... and she, so graciously, put up with my redecorating urges. I had a flood of ideas like artist vomit and am already way excited about finding textures and colors and getting to work on a painting. I cannot wait to get this itch satiated.

I get the redecorating bug a few times a year, normally at the change of seasons, but I am stuck in my own house. I have the stuff, I have the idea, I have the time... I just can't find the motivation to get started sewing pillows or packing up the old decor. Any motivational tips for me?

Fondness

Maybe what they say about absence is true, but I'm feeling especially thankful for this guy lately.

Dave's been working all day every day for a couple weeks now, so our time together is limited. Thus is the life of an engineer's wife, it turns out. But the time we have had together has been so so good.

Last night (early this morning, actually) we discussed things we remembered about dating back in high school. It was really fun to revisit those memories and to make fun of our awkward, naive high school selves. I told him about the afternoon in Wyoming when I came to the realization that I really liked him, the swing we were on when I knew we would get married, the half hour we spent taking bobby pins out of my hair after our wedding. The very special small moments that we have are now making up something so much greater. It's unpredictable in the absolute best of ways.

Yesterday I came across this music video and song by Andrew Peterson and it just made me so very thankful and so very contemplative of my marriage.

Dancing in the Minefields

We're coming up on our 5th anniversary, so if you're sick of the sappiness, you may want to take a small vacation from my blog. It will only get worse.

Bleeding Heart

In high school, I kind of had stalkers. And before you think I’m bragging about how good looking or magnetic I was, let me explain. The handful of guys that followed me from class to class were all, well, tasteful wording is tricky here, let’s just call them socially awkward. The kind of kid that you absolutely cannot be mean to. I mean, you can be mean to popular kids and rich kids and kids who are really athletic but not so good at math. Being a little mean to those kids is justified, right? You don’t have to answer that, because my heart already did. But my “fans” were not that type. They are the kids who carry their lunch to all of their classes, which years later still makes no sense to me, kids who make “ooo, ooh,” noises when they’re raising their hands. Kids that Anthony Michael Hall would have played in the movie about my high school somewhere around Sixteen Candles, way before Edward Scissorhands when he was inexplicably large and in charge.

There’s one thing I finally realized about myself when I caught on to the high school trend of who I was attracting that made me think back to the first time I felt seriously angry towards someone.

We were just sitting down for lunch in elementary school, and I was seated amidst several of the aforementioned rich, popular, athletic boys. They were laughing and drinking chocolate milk and probably wearing Adidas soccer shoes. And I sat there completely quietly. Looking down at my lunch, taking small bites, hiding beneath my 90’s perm bangs. And a scream, of sorts, followed by several gasps and a large crash echoed from the left side of the cafeteria. Teachers quickly cleared the students away and I had a straight line of sight to Randy having a seizure on the cafeteria floor. He was covered in food, his now empty tray about 30 feet in front of him.

Randy was a boy who had to go to different classes than the rest of us during the day. He would come into class for the Pledge of Allegiance, music, story time, and art, but left with his very own teacher a few times throughout class. He sat next to me for the first few days that year. He always wore sweat pants. And he was so very, very nice to me. He always smiled at me when I sat down. And he handed me a tissue once when I couldn’t reach the box.

I had never seen a seizure before that moment. I hadn’t even heard of a seizure. But there it was. Randy on the cafeteria floor, turning a little blue. People staring and teachers running around. The group of boys I was sitting next to started, I’m not even kidding, laughing and calling Randy names. Names I was FOR SURE not allowed to use. I felt my face grow red and my ears turn burning hot. My hands started shaking and I wanted to cry. I was straight up angry. I just sat there continuing my lunch while these boys were being so ugly. The type of ugly that still hurts my heart.

So I thought of that time, and I thought of the kid in my art class that always got in trouble for talking to me, and the other kid who would walk with me from Study Hall to World History, and the kid who tried to ask me to prom before I “casually” mentioned my boyfriend in hopes that he would get the hint and not make me say no. I realized that I am 100% a sold out bleeding heart. Compassionate to a fault.

The other day I asked my husband if he thought I would make a good counselor. He said, “Yeah. But I think you would have a really hard time detaching from that world when you got home.” Considering the other day I watched The Cider House Rules, a teen mom/adoption story, and My Girl in the same day and I cried for hours, I think he’s right.

When you’re feeling hurt for fictional characters, you’ve gone too soft. I need some balance, pronto.

Music to Match the Mood

It's sunny, it's Friday afternoon, I have an excellent mix-tape running in my car, and life is good. The forced rest from having nothing "big" happening lately has proven, once again, to be good for me. I went to bed before 10pm TWO NIGHTS this week, and I'm feeling that too. I'm all around cheery, which doesn't really make for interesting writing. So sorry if I've seemed a bit uninspired lately.

Because of my happy un-inspiration, I thought I'd share my sunny mix-tape with you. It's perfect for Friday afternoons in July with your windows down in the car. But if you have A/C, I won't hold that against you. Much.

1. You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb - by Spoon

2. Easy - by Deer Tick

3. Bury Me With My Car - by Ben Sollee

4. Hustle and Cuss - by The Dead Weather

5. Are We All Forgotten - by Paper Route

6. Whatever Gets You By - by The Features

7. You Are the Best Thing - by Ray LaMontagne

8. Airstream Driver - by Gomez

9. St. Nick On the Fourth in a Fervor - by Ha Ha Tonka

10. My Song - by Brandi Carlile

11. Sweeter Than This - by Katie Herzig

12. I Do - by Lisa Loeb

13. 1901 - by Phoenix

14. Winter Winds - by Mumford & Sons

15. Die Die Die - by The Avett Brothers

Simply

There's a part of my soul that's really and completely addicted to shopping. I wish I could find it, pick it off, squish it underneath a dictionary or a flip flop, and suck it up with the vacuum. The part of my soul right next to that shopping bit is a bargain finder. It buys happy yellow dresses for $3.74 and such cute shoes for $8.49 and it's significantly stronger than the shopping addict. It's a really good thing those soul pieces are neighbors, for obvious reasons.

Then there's this other part of my soul that's a complete minimalist. It's tucked way WAY far back inbetween the part that wants curly hair and the part that has a strong attraction to burlap. It makes me want to live on an old dusty farm, to learn to grow my own food and sew my own clothes. To give up blogging and start a journal. It makes me want to abandon all life's extras and be simple. Living simply sounds so nice, doesn't it?

source

Maybe it's just the midwesterner in me feeling homesick. Maybe it's the "there's always something better" voice in disguise. It could be the hatred for computers and phones and the forgotten love for pen and paper. But if I really had to guess what it is that makes me want to live simply, I'd say it's the part of me that knows what it's talking about.

I am...

Feeling exceptionally boring lately. Most of the car related drama has passed, I don't have any new and exciting health issues, no real craft ideas on the horizon... just normal life stuff. It's these days that fill up with normal that make me go a little insane. Sitting without expectations is hard. Sitting without deadlines or projects is unusual. Sitting without stress is stressful. Don't think about that, you'll twist your brain. If I get ahead of myself, or if I'm falling behind myself, I am fine. I'd even say I like feeling that way. But just being here in the middle of myself is a bit tricky. I'm sure that makes as much sense to you as it does to me. You're welcome for that Tuesday morning jazzercise for your brain.

I Totally Made This

I've not been shy about the fact that sewing is NOT my thing. I like nearly every form of art and crafting that I've been able to try, but sewing is my Achilles heel. Just ask the 4 pair of unfinished Christmas pajama pants under my craft table.

But last week, I made not one, but two completely functional, completely cute, completely... complete projects.

This cheery little tote...
For which I got the compliment, "that bag makes you look like you're in a good mood." I'll take it.

And yesterday I made a CD holder for my car visor. Because I'm a really fancy person who owns a car with a CD player now (no big deal) I needed one. This was a great project to use up scraps. Pardon my picture taking skills. It's really difficult to get a picture of your car visor with a phone. Surprising, right?
Also, let it be noted that the gold striped tape around the outside of the CD holder is a temporary experiment. I have some teal bias tape that will probably take the place of the tape very soon. Thanks to my neighbors Amanda and Lillian for being my moral support while I work through my sewing fears and inabilities. I think maybe one day I could call myself a sewer. One day...

Have you done anything crafty lately?

Judson

This little guy, the boy who completely wrecked my life in the best possible way, is about to come home to the US with his mom and dad! Please read this post, if you haven't already to learn more about Judson and what he did to my heart. His family is flying out today to go pick him up and I am thrilled for them. This is their blog about the whole process, and it's got great up to date information on the adoption.

Please keep them in your thoughts today. If you're the praying type, please pray for the Haag's. Pray that their trip will be safe, that all the documentation will go through smoothly, and that the whole process of the next few days will be wonderful, and that little Judson Haag will be safe in the US very, very soon.

My House

I am tired. TIRED. About nine hours of sleep combined from the last two nights is really significantly too little. Happiness to me right now is nothing more than walking through the front door of my house, kicking off my shoes, finding a pillow and a blanket, and sleeping all day through all these thunderstorms. I'm so sleepy, when I turn my head to look somewhere, my eyes follow behind, turning more slowly. You just tried to do that, didn't you? Mwahaha.

I just want to be in my house. Lounging on my couch with my shades down, listening to the storm through my napping haze. Just home, you know?

For my birthday last month, I received a gift certificate to a place that makes wall vinyls. You know, those sticker-like things that you can attach to your wall? No need to paint it on, or paint over it when you change your mind. They just peel off, which is perfect for a gypsy-hearted gal like myself.

Yesterday my vinyl came in the mail.


Here's what the wall now reads:

Of Light and Truth and Hope

I have learned a little bit
about lofty things and reality
as opposite as they are
and what I have learned is that
there are only a few things to count
on and a few things to wish for
and they are always the same things.

I decided to get the little poem I shared here a few weeks ago turned into wall art. It's just the reminder I need every day that most of my wanting is misplaced, that my real longing should be for the things I've already got.

Please disregard the sagging book shelf, the ugly light switches and air intake, the raggedy chair that will "one day" be reupholstered, etc. etc. But this is my house, and it's calling my name.

Gray

Dave snapped this picture on Thursday of last week. Since he has asked me to not go into detail about the situation (even though the whole thing is kind of funny,) and I do what I can to not blatantly go against his wishes, suffice it to say we were temporarily without car and walking to a fast food place down the street from my office. And not happy about it. We were feeling a little grumpy, a little annoyed, a little distressed. As we started walking, it began to rain, which obviously really helped our situation and then I ripped my pants. I know that's not a big deal, but just a funny cherry on top of the whole situation. Union Station in its Gothic glory and storm clouds rolling in really captured our mood.

You know how sometimes you're in a moment that makes you just want to yell, "seriously?!" Well, the past month or so have been one "seriously" moment after another, it seems. I've told you about a couple of them, but there are more, I assure you. We have been to the point a couple of times where there are literally no options and we're forced to wait it out wondering what the purpose is behind all of this... what lesson we're supposed to be learning, what piece of the puzzle the truck brakes going out are, or the car accident was, or how large and unexpected questions arising make sense in the big picture.

Yesterday we visited a church in Franklin where Dr. Jacob Bernard was speaking. Dr. Bernard is the man who runs the orphanage we visited in Haiti. He is a major inspiration. His story is fascinating and touching, and his life is one of impact on a global scale. We were excited to see him again. Every time he mentioned the children of Port au Prince or the babies in the orphanage, I teared up. It still hits me and it still hits me hard. He spoke about the deep need that has a grip on Haiti and the call that some of us have to help. And before you think that this is all out of context... all the junk in my life over the past two months was suddenly meaningless. It just fell away. It wasn't about my big picture or my life lessons and learning things. It was a relief to the distractions. I was pulled so strongly back to Haiti and to those children. I was back to aching for them and hoping for them and wanting to bring them into my home.


Today is the 6th month anniversary of the earthquake. The 6th month anniversary of when my eyes were opened to Haiti and just hints of its impact on me began to show. I love Haiti. I love the people. I love the way it has changed me. I love the way I can suddenly feel like my life is just as insignificant as its supposed to be when I think of Haiti.

I'm Weird

I'm feeling very boring this week. I don't have any exciting stories to tell or fun things coming up that I can blog about. So, because I have nothing interesting to bring to the table, here are some random facts about me:

-I am really good at deciphering smells that don't make sense for the setting. Like, "oh man, it smells like bandaids and lightening bugs in here," and it's unnervingly accurate.
-I went to a museum once that had small pieces of paper set up around the rooms with quotes from famous artists. My favorite was a Claude Monet quote that said "Color is my day-long obsession, joy and torment." I felt connected to Monet on a deep level at that moment. I kept the piece of paper.
-I really do not like uppercase G. The rest of the letters are fine.
-I have about 40 pairs of shoes, and I want to take pictures of my feet in all of them. I've got a decent start to that.
-The most I've ever paid for a pair of shoes is $30 (vintage cowboy boots from the flea market)... and that about sent me into a nervous breakdown. I usually spend between $5 and $10. Hardly ever more than $15.
-I could arrange things into interesting clusters all day. There is little in life more joyous to me than mixing colors, patterns, textures, and shapes.
-The worst job I ever had was working in an art store.
-The most content and purposeful I ever felt in one moment was in Haiti at an orphanage, sitting on the sidewalk next to a shade tree, talking to my husband, holding a baby. I cried because my heart was so full.
-Watching my husband building a shelter in Haiti was the most content and purposeful I've seen him in a long time. That also made me cry.
-I want to move to Haiti.
-I arrange my iPhone apps by color. And it makes me very, very happy to just scroll back and forth looking at them.
-Sunflower seeds are addicting to me. I can easily eat a pound bag of them, and the speed at which I eat them cannot be rivaled. I secretly want to join a sunflower seed eating competition and be respected among my peers.
-I was reading through a list of all the posts I've put on twitter recently (looking for a link I had "tweeted") and I laughed out loud several times. I think I'm really funny online. Not as funny in person.
-I have very thick hair, but it does not look thick at all. It looks thin, and I have no idea how to remedy that.
-Pink is my favorite color and has been for as long as I can remember.
-If I didn't have to purchase art supplies, I would give all my art away for free happily and/or use the money I (theoretically) make selling it for different causes. I currently have a list of 4 causes that I want to do that for.
-I don't care for breakfast food.
-"Pen and Paper" is a good name for the sort of small business I feel I could run.
-I don't know how to swim well, and thus am kind of afraid of the water.
-Also... more irrational fears: sinkholes, sidewalk grates, heights, being down at the bottom of a very tall room and looking up, breaking my ankle again (perhaps not irrational), public speaking, getting trampled, birds, and many many more.
-I briefly lived in a house that had all hardwood floors except in the bathroom, kitchen, and laundry room, which were carpeted. And that still confuses me.
-My favorite pizza toppings are pepperoni, banana peppers, pesto, and mushrooms.
-I want to have a big homemade pizza party with everyone who reads my blog so I can meet you all. If you don't know that I know you read my blog... I dare you to leave a comment with, um... your favorite pizza toppings? I want to know you better.

Firecracker

The word firecrackers is much more festive than the word fireworks, don't you think? Well festive is the perfect word to describe the weekend I had. Two cookouts and three other meals with friends, a drive-in double-feature, fried okra, homemade popsicles, playing outside, fireworks from the tallest building downtown, getting stuck in traffic with a car full of giggling 20 and 30 somethings, mosquito bites. Perfection in a 3 day holiday weekend. I love holidays.

Blank Space

Do you ever see an open white space and not think about doodling on it? Because I can't not think about it. It's like a nervous tick I have. I see something white and empty and I have to fill it.

Right now my brain is blank space. I have been going nonstop for about two months and right now I have nothing planned. I mean, I probably should clean or do at least a couple loads of laundry. Or maybe pick up the messes in my house or trim the hedges outside. But I'm really enjoying this white space. I try a little to fill it up with new popsicle recipes or movies at a friends house but that is the best kind of filler for blank space.

I have a THREE AND A HALF day weekend starting around noon today that includes: a backyard cookout, a trip to the farmer's market, a neighborhood party, fireworks from the tallest building downtown Nashville, looking at a car for sale, trying more popsicle recipes, sleeping in, and who knows what else. These little bursts of color in my white space are exactly what I need.

A New Hobby

I admit that I have a problem.

I am thoroughly aware that beginning new projects when there are piles of old projects making a maze through your living room is not a great idea. I understand that I'm easily influenced by trends with other bloggers and artists. I'm also aware that the time I spend on the computer and/or in front of the TV is probably rotting my brain. And I have enough brain left to realize that combining a new hobby to attempt another trend with even more time in front of the computer screen is not the best idea.

But here we are anyway, stuck in the middle of a new hobby. Digital scrapbooking. I am ridiculously picky about scrapbooks. I think a lot of them are tacky, honestly, and my tastes and trends change so often that scrapbooks are almost always outdated before they're great to look at. Now obviously not all of them fit in that outdated and tacky category. My mother in law, for example, made a beautiful scrapbook after my wedding and it's classic and pretty and timeless. Our bridesmaid's dresses were not so timeless, but that's a different story.

Digital scrapbooks fix that issue though. If you don't like it, delete the file and go on with your life. You're not committed to the layouts or the paper or the font. And if there's one thing I am, it's noncommittal. Mixing colors and patterns and textures is one of my favorite things, and this is a fun way to do that. Here's one I did recently of one of my favorite pictures of Dave and I ever.
I'm just learning here. So it's not perfect, but I like to just jump in. And it surprisingly doesn't take me very long to do one of these. It satisfies that crazy impulsive urge I have to only work on projects that can get done quickly.