It's my party and I'll go completely overboard if I want to

The other day on Facebook, I took a poll. I asked, "Am I allowed to plan an elaborate 25th birthday party for myself? Or is that weird?" Lots of people seemed to think that was ok.

I'm a self-diagnosed blog-hopper and several of the blogs I follow put up fun party ideas. Because Dave doesn't always want to be fussed over, and I don't have children to throw elaborate parties for, this is the party I want to throw for myself. Luckily, my birthday is a few months away. I have time for elaborate.

Rainbows, sparkles, balloons, streamers, unicorn cookies, and a holi color fight. Because 25 is NOT too old for that. Right?

1. zigzag streamers 2. floral wrapping paper 3. heart wrapping paper 4. giant balloons 5. rainbow layered cake 6. rainbow crepe paper decor 7. striped paper straws 8. holi color party 9. unicorn cookie cutter 10. dusting sugar - glittery

Let's Do This Thang

Do you know what's weird? I love cooking. I generally enjoy grocery shopping. I like eating meals I have just cooked, and I really like making food for other people to enjoy too. But I've fallen out of those habits for some weird reason. Busyness, sure. Laziness, yes. Who knows what else. Once upon a time I decided I would go without TV for 10 days. It was a smashing success and I'll do that again sometime. And after a few "you've got to control yourself, woman!" pep-talks from myself and a few "you really shouldn't be eating that" comments from Dave to which I replied with a head turned around backward and turning my eyeballs green, I decided to try that with eating out. I keep asking him to help me with this and then being not-so-kind when he tries to help. What's up with that? So, I decided yesterday that I was in serious need of an eating-out fast. I put the word out there into the "universe" also known as twitter and Lillian B. was on board. We then asked our friend Amanda and SHE was on board. So now, here we are. 3 families in the neighborhood deciding to do an eating-out fast for two whole weeks. Hold on a second. TWO WHOLE WEEKS! (that's better.) Do you know what? I think you should do it too! It will save you money, it will be a great way for your family to be together, it will be healthier, and it will be a grand adventure. If you're up for the challenge, leave a comment on this post. If you have a blog and will be documenting the challenge at all, leave the link and I'll post them later on. I love a good group effort. So, who's with me?

Heading Home

Nashville is a wonderful place. I love living here. But do you know what Nashville is missing? Family.

It's been over a year since Dave and I have gone back to Missouri together. That is TOO LONG. Thankfully, our families have visited here, so we haven't gone completely without. In 24 days we're FINALLY going back for a visit. It's going to be a too-short visit, but some is better than none. Talking to my sister the other day, I told her I'm so excited about going home that I feel like I should make a paper chain to count down the days like we used to do for Christmas. She said, "DO IT!" and that's all the motivation I needed. 26 days, guys. Not only will this be the first time Dave has been home in over a year (or the first time I've been home in almost a year), but my brother and his wife are moving back to Missouri in just a couple of days - so the ENTIRE FAMILY will be together in Camdenton for the first time since Christmas '09. Crazy. We're going to try to relax, have lunch with some old friends, take a small family trip to visit my grandparents, eat my very favorite pizza of all time, sit and talk, play games, and celebrate Easter at worship on the Lake. Trips home to visit the family are never ever long enough.

Pearl and The Beard

Dave and I went to a house show last night for a band called "Pearl and the Beard" and it was SO SO good.

We bought one album there, and I already bought the other album on iTunes. I wanted to also get their EP, a t-shirt, and a tote bag. Dave is kind of the voice of reason in our relationship. I don't know if you knew that or not.

This was shockingly the first time I had been to a house show. While I kind of get overwhelmed in large groups of people in smallish areas (like the time I went to the Alamo and almost had a panic attack) I really had a great time. We got to sit close to the band, talk to them afterward, and meet some new people. I'm going to have to make a habit of attending house shows. Maybe I'll try to get this social anxiety thing under control first...

If you like excellent music that's quirky and cool, you've got to check these guys out.

Lillian B

I have talented friends. Seriously. One of those friends is the lovely Lillian B. She's a photographer based out of Nashville and she does AMAAAZING work. This weekend, Dave and I headed to an old farm in Franklin, TN and she took some pictures of us.

I wanted some updated headshots, since I've lost quite a bit of weight since my last ones. And I wanted to get a few of Dave and me as well, for the same reason. Fun fact: the last time Lillian did pictures of Dave and I was when I broke my ankle! I promise she doesn't do that to most of her clients.

I'm pretty insecure about myself in pictures (which is true of basically everyone, I think) and every.single.picture Lillian sent me is a picture I'm proud to show people. To make ME feel CUTE in PICTURES! Pure talent, folks.

If you're in the Nashville area and you're looking for a photographer, definitely check her out. She's awesome.

Big Life Decisions

Tomorrow evening, the husband and I are going to a meeting about adoption. (!!!) We're still a couple years off from the whole thing probably, but we're ready to gather more information.

Dave was the one who was ready to adopt first. If you know Dave and I, this is a little bit shocking. He's a bit of a slow mover when it comes to life changing decisions. And I'm.... well... let's just say I am not a slow mover. The fact that Dave's heart was in it before mine is a huge encouragement to me that we're doing the right thing. We definitely want to get our lives a little more in check before we take off with the entire process; we're total newbies to the whole thing, but we're excited about taking a baby step forward. We've already got some things decided on.

We'd like to adopt domestically first and then maybe internationally for the next one or two... or 10. In the past several months my heart for domestic adoption has taken on a whole new life and I'm excited to look into it more. Lots of sweet American babies out there need some love.

We're both feeling VERY much like we'd like to adopt from Haiti, but Haitian laws say you must be 35 to adopt from Haiti. That's 10 years off for us, unless they change their laws. I'm personally hoping for a change of laws. I'm just not sure I'd want to be in my 40's and sending my kid off to Kindergarten, you know? It works for some people. Obviously my plans for my own life aren't always what God has in mind for me, I have noticed.

We're only slightly concerned about the finances. This is sort of crazy because our finances aren't exactly impressive. We know that God's plans have very little to do with money. We've seen it in the past and we trust completely that we'll see it in the future. That still leaves some room for concern. I've seen the fee schedule involved in domestic adoption. It's not pretty. It's probably unwise to leap into the process with very little savings available for application fees, attorney costs, and all the other financial things involved. It's SO expensive. (Straw Heart Project could help!) There are a lot of organizations that do grants and loans, there are a lot of people surrounding us that would be willing to help, and there are a LOT of ways God can surprise people, so though finances are scary, they're not a hindrance.

Though this meeting is little more than adding to the information we've got about adoption, I'm awfully excited. It's like saying, "ok. we're sort of more ready!" and that's a fun place to be.

Donations

You may have noticed that I now have a "Donate" button on my blog. As icky as that feels, it's for a good cause. I'm going back to Haiti this summer and I need to raise about $1300 for the trip. Until the trip, all proceeds from my artwork are going toward the trip fund. That includes custom work! If you want in on that, go right ahead and place an order.

If you don't really like my artwork, I'm going to pretend like that's no big deal, and allow you to just donate to the trip fund.

Thanks friends!

Feeling Lonely

When I was younger, one of my favorite games to play went something like this: I was at home minding my own business, there was a knock at my door, and I answered the door and found a baby in a basket on the porch with a note that told me to take care of the baby forever. So I did. I loved the feeling that someone else trusted me to care for their child.

As a young married person, I have had probably 30 dreams in total wherein someone around me has a baby and that person is unable to care for the baby for whatever reason. So the baby is given to me to care for forever and raise as my own child.

When Dave and I decided to try to get pregnant, my prayer was always that God would give me peace through the whole thing. I don't remember ever once in the first year or so praying that I would get pregnant soon. It was always asking for peace with God's timing or comfort in the sadness. I didn't plan to pray that way; I just realized a few months ago that I had been praying that way.

When we told people we were starting to try to get pregnant, I always warned, "this could take a while, so don't go crazy just yet" or "who knows what will happen or how long it will take."

Maybe my own intense desires for children clouded my sight for the past 24 years, but I'm beginning to see that God has been preparing me slowly and surely for a struggle with infertility.

I'm not happy with this struggle. As a girl who grew up in church, a young woman figuring out her own faith and the way faith works in general, it's hard for me to say that I'm not happy with where God has placed me. There are days that I'm angry and sad, disappointed with myself, frustrated in my place in life, days that I'm searing with jealousy, days that I want to sleep it off and numb myself to 'infertile living.' There are days where I am lonely for a child in the very pit of me and it's too much to ignore. I absolutely have the desire to carry a child, to give birth, to experience pregnancy, and it hurts me to imagine my life without that experience. Maybe it will happen for me someday. Maybe it won't.

But there are days where I understand a small piece of God's perfect plan. Days I can look at the past and think, "even if I don’t understand it, I was made for this." There are days where I know that my timing wasn't great, and I am thankful I didn't get pregnant right away. I have great joy for friends who are pregnant. I have the desire to live my life to show God's glory, no matter what that means for me and my journey to parenthood. I can honestly say that if this is how God wants to use me, I can handle infertility. Some days it is hard. Very very hard. Some days it isn't.

I definitely don't want sympathy for writing this post; I just want to be completely honest with my life. It's not all perfect, it doesn't all make sense. Infertility is something that's not really talked about very much. So if there are even two people out there who read my blog and are going through the same thing, I want them to know I'm here. I get it. I'm sorry for what you're dealing with, friend. I'm praying for you and I wish so very much that you didn't have to go through this. As you're going though, know you're not alone. There are so many women thrown into this same crappy battle. If you're in the Nashville area and you're struggling with infertility and you would like someone to talk to, email me. We can get together for coffee. I will just sit and listen, if that's what you need. I will cry with you, if that's what you need. I'll pray with you and try to encourage you as best I can, if that's what you need. I have good days and I have bad days, just like you do. So let's do this together.

Tennessee Adventures

The best man from our wedding, Josh, was in town this weekend. Turns out, getting a friend of Dave's to visit is the trick to getting to go on weekend adventures. Since I love house guests AND adventures, I'm going to go ahead and invite you all over. You'll have to sleep on the couch for now, but we'll have a guest bed very soon. (More on that this week, hopefully.)

Saturday morning, we woke up and headed out on our grand adventures. We grabbed lunch and headed down to Lynchburg, Tennessee to the Jack Daniel's Distillery. If you know me very well, you know I don't care for alcohol, so it wasn't a big deal to me, but the boys were excited.

It ended up being a really cool tour. Lots of interesting sights... and smells... and tour guides... I'm glad I went. Plus, it was a road trip and I am all about the road trip. I sat in the back and got the brunt of the wind.

After we finished up the tour, we went to show Josh the studio where Dave interned and still does some work. It's a really beautiful building, so we like to bring visitors there.

Then we headed back out East for the drive-in theater. The weather on Saturday was absolute perfection, so the drive-in was an obvious choice. It's one of our favorite things to do together, so obviously we're always looking for a reason to go. We saw Rango and True Grit. Both good movies.

I kept saying, "next time you come we should go here!" and "you'll have to come back soon so we can show you this." I need more guests. I was serious about you coming to visit me.

The Bean's Room

I may or may not be the most excited ever that my sister is planning to move to Nashville in a few months. I will understand if her plans fall through; I will be able to move on. Eventually.

But if all goes as planned, while she looks for a new job and apartment around town, she'll be staying with us. Because I want her to feel oh-so-welcome and maaaaybe because I can't stop the renovation train, I'm switching things up. I'm changing the art room into a guest bedroom! I'm super excited about this. SUPER excited. It also will help me move past the "someday this will be a nursery" feelings that I sometimes get in that room. (My friend Kristle wrote a blog post about this that you can check out here.) Moving on...

We've been slowly putting things in order around the house. I did yet another mantle remix, Dave has totally changed his studio space (pictured below), we're planning to paint the bedroom (if I ever do laundry) and now, I'm tackling the Bean's new room.

I want the room to fit in with the rest of the house, obviously, but I also want it to have a vintage-bohemian feel to it. I'm working on an inspiration board, and I've got a friend coming over tonight to help me purge and reorganize.

The only other thing we need is the sister, right?

Making it a Happy Day

I'm cold and I'm sleepy, and it's gray and rainy out. So today, I'm gathering my own cheer.

I'm listening to great music.

I'm wearing my famous cheery yellow sweater (pictured on the right). I'm drinking two cups of french vanilla coffee.

I'm window shopping.

I'm reorganizing. I'm skipping a free lunch because it's unhealthy and I'm not upset about it. I'm pretending to understand how Daylight Savings works.

I'm wishing for one of everything from Katie's shop - the cutest shop ever.

I'm looking at this face.

What are you doing to gather cheer?

Haiti - Take 2

Last week I was asked to return to Haiti this summer to lead a trip for the church youth group. If you are a regular 'round these parts, you know how much I loved my trip to Haiti. It completely changed my life.

Because of all the hubbub surrounding Straw Heart Project, I was unsure about saying yes, initially. I wanted to be available for SHP and didn't know if Haiti would interfere with that. Finally I made the decision to go, and I am SO so glad I did.

I cannot wait to get back to Haiti and experience this joy again.

Though, I'm hoping for a boot and crutchesless trip this time.

Random Things I'm Thinking About Today

You know in those cheesy interviews with people wearing turtlenecks, when they turn toward the camera at the beginning and say something like, "oh hello." Like maybe that camera crew surprised them. But they already had an interview ready to go, just in case people showed up. Well, I always have a bit of an urge to start a blog post that way... Well, hi! Fancy meeting you here, on my blog that I write so people will come read it! I can't believe you're here; in that case, let's gets started! And then I'd continue.

This is the time of year when people on facebook get very angry with winter. At the beginning, everyone's like, "oh man, this snow is beautiful!" and "I'm loving being bundled up by the fire" but then come March they're quite through. It's like, "winter, if you don't get the (bleep) out of here, I'm going to go crazy." And I'm pretty sure they mean it, because they're not actually bleeping.

There are few things in life (unfortunately) that get me really fired up, things I decide to take a stand on. I am not a parent. I don't know how difficult it is. I do know that I'm not supposed to judge people for the decisions they make as parents. But sometimes I judge. One of those things I get all judgy about is allowing little kids to watch certain R rated movies. One time Dave and I went to see a triple feature at the drive-in theater. We didn't want to watch the first movie, so we got there about halfway through. When we arrived, there was a dad watching Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN with his probably 3 or 4 year old daughter. First of all, yikes. Second of all, that movie is 30% bloody murdering, 30% nudity, and 40% F-word. And there she is, sitting on the top of her dad's pickup truck soaking it all in. I was outraged. I kept asking Dave if I should offer to "babysit" her and take her over to the concession stand to play with her while the movie finished. He decided that was probably a quick trip to a black eye. It makes me sad for future generations to imagine that their sweet little minds are already exposed to that kind of trash so early. And... rant over.

Having a game night is one of the quickest and best ways to get to know people better. Some of my closest friends have game night pretty often, and it always always involves tears from laughing too hard. Why do people not play games more often? We should institute a world-wide game night wherein everyone has to play telephone-pictionary for two hours once a month. More, if you're so inclined. (Which I am.)

P.S. Telephone-pictionary is a game where you write down a phrase, or a thing, whatever you want, basically. Then you pass it to the person to your right. They draw a picture of that thing you just wrote down on a new sheet of paper, and pass their drawing to the person on their right. That person then writes down what they think the picture is. And so on until everyone is cracking up. You should try it.

A Big Story about a Little Idea

Once upon a time, there was a lady who called her self gypsy-hearted because she bounced from passion to passion and couldn't ever find "the thing" that made her happy for a long time. Well, I mean, her husband and her family and her friends made her really happy... but the other "thing."

Sometimes people would ask her, "If you could have any job in the whole world, what would it be?" And she was like, "ummm.... well... I don't really know...." and she felt confused about her gypsy-heart. She couldn't understand herself and that was sad because movies and tv had taught her that she couldn't be happy until she figured her own life out.

Then one day, she went to Haiti and learned the names of 30 orphans. She held them and played with them and sang songs in Creole with them. They loudly knocked on her heart and marched themselves right in. And there they sat for months and months. The girl had dreams about the orphans, told stories about them, looked at pictures of them over and over. She wanted to do more.

After months of thinking about her friends in Haiti, she finally had an idea. She could help them. She couldn't adopt just yet, but she could help other people who could adopt. So she made t-shirts and tote bags and coloring books. She had about 70,000 other ideas of ways to raise money for adoptions, but she was "too busy" to put the ideas to use.

After another couple months of having new ideas, she had one big idea. One idea that made her very excited and very nervous. She thought, "surely I'm not the only gypsy-hearted artist who cares about orphans and about adoption. There have got to be more people like me." That day she wrote up an outline for a nameless idea that would put artists and adopting families together to raise money. Her wandering soul was so happy. She could keep coming up with new ideas, bounce around from project to project, help families, help orphans, meet new people, and be creative every day.

She began to tell people about her little idea, and they got excited too. They said very nice things about her idea and encouraged her to keep going with it. Friends and strangers offered to help and wanted to learn more. In just a few days, her little idea went from a fun personal project to a website with almost 800 views in one day. Her heart was exploding with happiness and thankfulness and excitement.

The End. Except it is not actually the end. It's just the beginning.

That's A Lot of Stuff

There was such a time when I had Bible study on Monday evenings, pottery class on Tuesday evenings, youth group and mentoring on Wednesdays, health coaching on Thursday, and anything else I had to do during the week on Fridays, such as grocery shopping or seeing my husband. I was also trying to get pregnant, keep two art shops and three blogs alive, start a non-profit business, completely change the way I care for my body, and you know... have a life. You might imagine that this was a bit of a hectic time for me. You'd be imagining correctly.

But several of those things are done now, and I keep sitting at home lately and thinking, "it's Tuesday. What is it I'm supposed to do on Tuesday?" And when the answer is 'nothing' I kind of breathe out and dance a teeny jig or make up a song (which I do ALL the time.)

Speaking of making up songs, the other day I was at Target looking through the clearance racks with my friend Amanda, and I sang out, "I love CLEARAAAAANCE!" I turned to Amanda who, turns out, wasn't Amanda but a mid-40's frowny woman who only slightly nodded when I sang her my clearance song. I couldn't decide if I should tell her I thought she was someone else or to just let it slide, but by the time I stopped figuring out a way to recover, I figured it was too late to be smooth about it anway. Which was realistically impossible, I'm sure.

So anyway, I'm cooling down. I'm thinking and living purposefully and I like it a lot. Who would've guessed?

Good Things Come

Things I've been waiting for that are finally happening:

I rotated my fall/winter albums out and filled my cd-holder with spring music.

I had frozen yogurt last night.

The sun is out in the morning when I wake up and in the evening when I get home.

The drive-in opens up this weekend.

My computer background is a floral picture again.

I'm wearing open toed shoes often.

My little sister is about to finish cosmetology school and is thinking about MOVING TO NASHVILLE OH MY GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS.

Three and a half years ago, I moved to Nashville. 8-9 hours away from my family. Since that moment, I've been trying to talk my family into moving here. Subtly and not so subtly. Finally, one of them is considering it. And it's the Bean! In my head, this is the greatest thing ever. We are very very good friends. And I miss her dearly.

Website Design for SHP

Kelli has been mentioned on this blog a few times. She's really cool. Also, she's really talented. She just made the Straw Heart Project website and it. is. awesome.


http://www.strawheartproject.org/ is up and ready to go!

From this website you can print applications to volunteer, an application to be considered as our next adoptive family, learn about our current projects and upcoming events... it's just awesome.

Can you tell I'm a little excited about this?